Belmont Street Fair, Sept 6th

Daddy and baby walking down the street.

Odessa bored but enjoying a ride.

Turtle on a leash?!

And up close. And the most interesting part, she is 35 years old!

Zoo August 2008

Odessa looking at the "shish"




Line to see the just-born baby elephant.

Corona

Selected Art, Artist: Odessa

Date: Summer 2008
Medium: Watercolors and construction paper

Date: Spring 2008
Medium: Sponge tip paint

Date: Spring 2008
Medium: Sponge tip paint and construction paper

3:39 a.m.

Hey, guess what? It is 3:39 a.m. and I am up again! See: http://landofodessa.blogspot.com/2008/08/just-update.html

That number (or time) must have some significance for me. Or, more likely, my brain is naturally-trained to wake up around this time after all these years of off and on insomnia.

The Family Bed

Last night I was up reading later than usual. When I did go to bed, I used my reading light to determine how I could crawl into the bed without crushing baby Odessa. This is what I saw in the faint glow of the reading light. I just had to get a photo of our family bed (and Odessa's lack of the concept of "personal space").

What it is like...

http://www.nola.com/news/t-p/frontpage/index2.ssf?/base/living-0/116149796856910.xml&coll=1

A book that I need...

I think that this book would really save me time: it would be so much easier to have all the ailments in one place rather than having to Google each random symptom.

Just an Update

It is 3:39 a.m. and I am up (AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN) with insomnia. This is something that I will address AGAIN at my next mental health appointment. I feel a little lost about the whole thing because, it feels, I have complained so many times, tried so many options, all to no avail. Maybe this is something that I just need to live with and realize that it could be so much worse.

My last post about vacuuming was so utterly lame. Sometimes I do just have these thoughts and questions though and wonder what others think.

Larry has been in Idaho visiting his folks for a long weekend so I have been a single-mom. Not easy at all but I think that I have fared fairly well. And, don't tell Larry this, but sometimes getting into the routine of just Odessa and I is a lot simpler than having the three of us to worry about. I even managed to take Odessa to the zoo yesterday which she loved this time more than any time before. Her favorite exhibits were the Sea Lions ("wow!"), the giant fish ("wow shish!") and, by far, the monkeys ("monkey! look another monkey!"). When we went and saw the elephants, she just kept asking for the monkeys again. That being said, I will be happy to have my hubby home. It does complete our family unit.

I want another baby. Maybe. Or some days. It is just the decision whether it is a good/right idea or not. I am just not sure that I am really the best person for the job. My depression/anxiety is not always/often in control and I worry that isn't fair to current and/or future offspring. I am working on that aspect as I have been re-adjusting all my meds rather drastically lately trying to find something that really, truly works for me. My provider doesn't think that I have ever felt un-depressed and that is why it is such a struggle. I am now going back to the one med that I felt actually, truly helped and we will see where that leads. I am hopeful. After that I may try electro-schock :)

Last night we were watching the divers on the Olympics. O was so cute! As the divers would position themselves at the end of the spring-board she would shout out "Go! Jump!" and then she would jump herself (and then do a little dance) as the athletes would leap into the air and plunge into the water. You should see her stuff when we are watching the gymnasts!

Swim lessons are over. We had a good, albeit tiring, two weeks. Odessa is super comfortable in the water and can do many 'tricks' including kicking, arm reaching, monkey-crawl, jumping in (her personal favorite) and entering and exiting the pool semi-correctly. I am considering some more classes for the fall but I would also like to look into tumbling as she is really into that right now too.

Question: How early is too early to start vacuuming the apartment?

I have a kid that wakes up at 6 a.m. (or earlier) every day -- even Sundays! So, what time is too early to begin vacuuming the apartment? Once I am awake, I want to get things done.

Starfish Odessa

Last Monday Odessa started swim lessons through Portland Parks and Recreation. Here are a few pictures of our first lesson.


The lessons are Monday through Friday evening for two weeks. I can already tell that I am going to be ready for them to end when they do. It is fun to be in the water but I am so tired by the end of the day!

After lesson number 5, she is SO much more comfortable in the water than when we began. She used to cling to me intensely. Now she struggles to get away from me and back to the wall so that she can climb up and jump back in.

Fun in the fountain II

Another beautiful Portland day that we spent playing in the fountains and at the playground.

The Big 02

Well, my baby turned two years old on the 18th. We didn't have any big celebration but we did have a picnic in the park and cupcakes and fun so I think that qualifies so that I am not a too neglectful mom.

She finally got her first haircut. I took a couple of inches off the bottom and "The Mullet" is now gone. Then this morning I took a couple inches off the comb-over that was on top. Now the whole thing looks much more even and very cute. And the tangles are seriously diminished. I have been trying to get a picture but she hasn't been real cooperative.

Summer. I can't believe how fast it is flying by. I had so many plans for fun things to do and so few of them have come into fruition. This depresses me. But I will try to relax and not make things worse by over-scheduling. Plus these last couple weekends have just gone by in the blink of an eye. I have quite a few errands that I keep meaning to get around to but...

Just a few days ago we finally caught on to how much signing Odessa was doing. Actually, Larry did when he recognized the sign for "more". Many many months ago I gave up even trying to remember to incorporate the signs into our daily lives. But she is learning it at school. Now I see that she is signing "all done" and "thank you". I should have realized the "all done" sign, now it is so obvious what she is doing when she says "Eye Dye!" (or "I die!" -- She is my baby and I am a bit of a pessimist but I am going with the former). I bet there are more but I need to take a refresher course in signing myself. She is also learning the signed alphabet at school and she will try to make the hand 'poses' but she does so really, really poorly. She is good at recognizing the ones that I make though, and will say the letter "A" etc. And I actually remember how to sign the alphabet from when I was a kid.

Last night Odessa was reading "The Giving Tree" to herself. I was reading my own book but had to stop and watch her. I am not totally clear on what her version of the book is about but I know that it contains a lot of hats. On almost every page, she would speak her little martian language and then say "hat" or "hair" and then touch the top of her head. There was also very clearly some content about apples (which are actually in the book).

Odessa now find nose-picking incredibly funny. I think it was because I reacted and said "ucky". For the next ten minutes, she would continuously stick her index finger inside of her nostril and stare at me, waiting for a reaction. I then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh. It didn't really work.

Just a few days ago Odessa had her two-year well-baby check-up with the pediatrician. All is good. And she is in the third percentile for weight! Yoo hoo at least she is on the curve. As with every visit, the doctor then asks me how she is eating. It is tough because I have never had another baby with which to compare. I told him that I feed her three meals and two snacks. She will eat a good portion of two of the meals and it is hiss and miss with the others. Lately she is also into choosing her own food and she will mostly choose yogurt, cheese, ovaltine, and berries. So now, not three days later, she is eating like a...what?...what eats a lot? Anyway, she will eat a whole carton of yogurt and then ask for "more". She used to just eat a third or so of it and then be done. So, go figure, maybe at our next visit she will have climbed all the way up to the fourth percentile :)

"Daddy's Bike Hat"

Almost Two

It is seriously crazy that in just four weeks*, I will have a two year-old! How did that happen? When did my "baby" get so big? The books don't even call you a baby after the age of eighteen-months. Then you are a toddler.

*I started this post a couple weeks ago so now we only have ten days till O is two.

Lot's of changes. I can't even think of all the words and phrases that you are using now. From "I don't know"? (complete with hands out and head tilt gestures) to "Wha's that"? It is fun to see you asking so many questions. It is like having a little Alien and introducing her to our world. What's that? -- a gardening hose...What's that? -- a lunchbox... I also enjoy when you correct me. "Apple". "No, that's an apricot. Both are fruit." "No, apple." you say.

And speaking of new phrases: everything is "mine". MY book, MY cup, MY keys. And a loud, dramatic "Miiiiinnnneeee" when we have a friend over and you don't want to share. On the flip side, Odessa is also really big on pointing out what belongs to other people. "Your shoe. Your shirt." She will often go find shoes in my closet and bring them to me saying "yourrrr shoe..." until I put the shoes on/let her put the shoes on me.

I didn't know what the "terrible twos" were about until recently. The DRAMA! Some days, it seems, there is a dramatic outburst about everything and nothing all at once. Many times it is about your wanting to do things independently, such as go down the stairs, get into the car, put on your shoes etc. When I try to help, you get upset. And when I let you do it yourself, you will often get frustrated at not being able to or not being able to quickly enough. I try to remember everything that I know about child development and not get frustrated myself but it proves challenging.

We have also decided stop taking you into restaurants as often. You just don't have the patience right now. It usually ends up either Larry or I is eating and the other is chasing you around trying to keep you in the restaurant but out of the kitchen. You just don't want to be still or stay near and so restaurants and stores etc are torturous. The other day we went to the library and you got to use one of the computers that is set up for kids. I spent the rest of our time there trying to convince you that we don't have access to EVERY computer in the library. You were just steps away from pushing a librarian out of the way so that you could claim that computer as "miiinnneee". That is probably why parents of toddlers spend so much time outdoors. It is harder to be too loud or too wild.

Nursing: We are almost exclusively nursing now only at nap and night-night time. If you are sick or have been away from me for a long time, I may concede to an extra time or two in between. Lately you have also been bringing me dolls to give "na-nas" and just today you wanted me to nurse your horse sticker. I am sure that would appeal to some fetishists as well.

Bedtime seems like it has gotten considerably easier lately. For awhile there it seemed to just take a REALLY long time. But now we started closing the bedroom door (duh, so you can't just leave the room -- I don't know why we didn't think of this earlier) and when you fuss, I pretty much just ignore you. I was spending a lot of time consoling but it just seemed to start the whole process over again.

It is pretty awesome seeing you grow from a tiny little newborn into this wild little child. I can't believe that it has already been two years since you were born and, at the same time, I can't believe that it has ONLY been two years that I have known you. Somebody said (and I think this is so true) "the days are long and the years are short".

Because we have too much time on our hands...

So, I am constantly getting Larry and I into extra jobs in order to make/save money. One year we spent two weeks selling fireworks at one of those little stands. In retrospect I think that we had fun. The latest is that I agreed that we would clean the apartment grounds for three hundred dollars off of rent. Last weekend was our first and it took SIXTEEN hours! We are hoping it goes faster in subsequent weeks.

Here is a pic of Odessa helping out: she needs to earn her keep too :) I brought her little broom, duster, and a rag -- she loved it! I just need a little bandanna to tie around her head.

Fun in the fountain

My husband the mormon missionary

What next?

We started the week off with a nice case of Pink Eye for Odessa and I. Then I had an allergic reaction to the eye drops that I was prescribed. I looked like I had been stung in the eyes by a swarm of angry bees. And then yesterday, my virus developed into the worst sore throat that I have ever had (can't swallow, can't move neck, can't open mouth). Today I am on Vicodin for the pain so that I can at least drink my meals with a straw.

Snuggly After Bath

Why husband shouldn't read blog

You receive mean comment from "Anonymous" that has to be deleted. Husband looks around shiftily, hoping that you can't figure out who Anonymous is. Then leaves for work abruptly.

Physical Manifestations of Too Much Stress

It is funny that my tag line is "It's a nice place to visit!" and then the most recent blog is titled "darkness". That is exactly the place that I always wanted to go!


My allergies are acting up. My skin is breaking out. My stomach doesn't feel right. I slept like crap last night.

Darkness

I am in a dark place. I don't want to write the specifics on a public forum but just saying that gives me some relief. I am having to make decisions that I only prayed that I would never be faced with.

Today's Gain From Meditation: "You are exactly the person that you are supposed to be"

Inner Peace in Two Hours

I believe that for most of my life I have been experiencing an existential crisis. I do have blips of contentment and trust in the world, but for the most part, by brain is a spinning top of never-ending worries and thoughts. I know a lot of people who feel this way and some deal with it better than I. I know others who don't seem to feel this way at all. Recently speaking with a friend I said "I need to come up with a way to quiet my mind" and he responded, "If my mind were any MORE quiet, I would be asleep."

This is becoming more and more of a problem in recent years: as a younger person, I was always able to run away from my demons, if only partially successfully, by staying busy and never allowing myself be in the presence. I could also trick myself that all this would resolve itself if and when: "when I graduate", "when I get a real job", "when we have more money", "when I have more time.

Now I feel more THIS IS IT and less on a path to something more. I have a career (although debatable), I have a family, we make more money now than we have ever in the past...AND STILL...all the same feelings and worries and thoughts swirl around me. I can temporally alieve these feelings with a beer or a xanax but I need to come up with a more inner-directed method. I am masking the issues, and not dealing with them. Which tends to be my specialty.

Lately, I feel like I am being pointed in a direction where I need to take charge of this destiny. That it isn't going to happen on its own. I must come up with a way. I have been struggling and running for all these years and nothing has changed. I want to be more present and mindful and relaxed -- with myself, my husband, my daughter, and with life.

In the past, I have found meditation and yoga helpful. The problem is that I feel I need more direction and more motivation to not let the practice lapse.

So today Larry and I went to a workshop at a Buddhist Temple about an introdution to their teaching and to meditation. I am really glad that we went. We learned about posture and what to do (or not to do) with our minds during meditation. We then practiced meditation for twenty minutes. I think that I was probably able to stop thinking for, maybe, two seconds at a time. But I recently have been asking/begging to the higher power, whomever that may be, "please help. I am yours, just show me the way". The first response I received was "Stop trying to control everything over which you need to learn that you have no control". Today's response was more profound (for me): "You don't trust this world". If I were one to cry, tears would have been brought to my eyes. I then asked, "But how do I learn to trust the world?". No response. Maybe next time. Or maybe I need to trust a little so that I can learn to trust a lot.

I have read about various types of meditation and what I especially liked about this teaching, is that you can't do it wrong. Sure, there are better ways but those come with practice. Just sitting silently is a start. 30 seconds if you can, 30 minutes if you can do that. I need a casual pace to start or I will just get overwhelmed.

So, no, I did not achieve inner peace in two hours. But maybe it is a start.

A few things to remember about me:

1) I so totally am not the new-agey type that really believes in this stuff. But, hey, that hasn't been working.
2) I am currently reading Eat, Love, Pray and this may be a big motivating factor for many things: my current craving for Italian food, my seeking spiritual enlightenment, and my craving for Thai food -- specifically sweet rice with coconut ice cream (Note -- the author actually is in India, but I don't like Indian food, so I imagine Thai food. Mmmm.)

Another Day in the Land of Odessa

Well, now I am worried that our never-ending cold has turned into something else. Odessa has been running a fever since yesterday at 4 p.m. ish. From when I have checked, it has gotten up to 101.6. Tylenol has been helping. I am going to call the pediatrician in the morning.

We have plans to fly out to California this weekend so I am hoping that it nothing serious and that she will be all better by then. I had thought that the never ending runny nose was to do with teething as she is getting some serious teeth in there but who knows.

In other news, I have spend most of my weekend going through a study protocol and reading all about "Transtheoretical Model of Change". I have a job interview tomorrow -- no today -- it is 530 am! It has been fun because I feel kind of like a student again and have been using my brain in another way.

And, yesterday morning I carelessly tinted my eyebrows and now they are too dark (think Groucho Marx) and I have a smear of brown dye on my forehead. Geez. Luckily I have been scrubbing with nail polish remover (which I am sure is GREAT for one's skin) and it has faded considerably.

We are on a budget. I am trying really hard but it is REALLY hard. I just need to start fresh tomorrow and re-evaluate my plan so that I can gain motivation and perspective.

Hey, sometimes this adult life just sucks, huh?

Found on Ebay: Very Sexy Shoes

ALDO Womens Black Fabric Wedges Shoes 38 EUR 7 US SEXY!

Really? They are? Well then, my orthopedic clogs must be on fire!

Currently Reading

The Female Brain by Louann Md Brizendine

Blogger.com Frustration II

Now all the lists and photos and things that use to be on the left hand side of my blog are at the bottom -- after all the posts! When I go into edit the layout, it doesn't appear as though anything has changed.

Happy 35th Anniversary to My Parents

35 years living with same person -- all the struggles, all the ups and downs. 33 years of raising children. No wonder they are nuts. Congrats to them for sticking it out and never letting go of either side of the rope.

Light at the end of the tunnel

I think we may have turned a corner with Odessa's sleep...



First of all, it just is getting better and better the closer that she gets to two. The first year was by far the most difficult.



A couple months ago, anyone putting Odessa down to sleep (other than me) would have to endure crying -- and a lot of it. I would have to be really over my limit before I could let that happen. And the majority of times, my maternal instinct got the better of me and I went in to snuggle her into sleep peacefully.



Up until two nights ago, here was the ritual: snack, diaper and pajamas, read stories and then nana-milk. After ten minutes or so of nursing, I detach myself and she will fuss a little, work on getting comfy and fall asleep. During that 30-60 minutes of waiting for her to fall asleep, I would lie there frustrated that this is my opportunity for me time and it won't happen.*



After an hour passes and she finally is asleep, I can sneak out but at that point it is getting late for me and I am frustrated that I could have been reading or writing an hour ago. Plus most nights I take benedryl to help me fall asleep and it takes at-least one hour to kick in. So if I took it before putting O to bed, then I would be too sleepy to get up and get any me time. And if I wait till she is asleep, I am likely not to fall asleep until really late at night.**



After that very long introduction, here is the point: Now after the bedtime routine which includes nana-milk for ten minutes or so, Odessa is able to snuggle up to Larry and fall fast asleep. A few whimpers but nothing more than I would get by being there too. We have done that the last two nights and it is a miracle for me!!! I can get up and do some of the things that I have been wanting to. Sigh of relief.

AND THEN, this afternoon Odessa was able to fall asleep with Larry for her afternoon nap. That has never happened before this easily. It would usually require tears and rocking. Now she just snuggles up and enters dream-land (and without mama-milk first). ***

I really think this is about her being developmentally ready for that stage. This would not have worked even a couple months ago.



*If you are wondering why can't I get out of bed while she is still awake. The answer is I don't know, I have tried, and it involved a lot of sobbing on her part and mine. She just doesn't want to be alone while falling asleep. We have had a family bed for her whole life, just lying in bed and going to sleep while others are not with her is just foreign. [It is possible at some point in the near future, this is something that I am going to work on. But for now I am going to trust my gut that she is just not ready for that leap yet. Who knows what the next few months will bring.]



**Which would mean that I would miss quite a few solid hours of sleep which is pretty necessary as O will wake me up between 1 and 5 times a night. Secondly, I am not a night-owl, even before baby I would in bed at 9 p.m.



***Now for my pessimism -- napping with baby in the afternoon is my favorite thing and today I am missing it. But on the bright side, it is good to know that I have the option.

Blogger.com Frustration

I am not all that super-savy when it comes to publishing a blog. I mean I have all the basics down, and when I want to try something 'fancy' (and actually have the energy to do so) I can usually figure it out.

But here is the problem, I write my posts and they look great. Then I publish them and the blank lines in between the paragraphs dissapear...but not all of them. I have even edited in html and sometimes that works but it is inconsistent. What am I doing wrong? Or is blogger playing Jedi mind tricks on me?

If anyone knows of what I am doing wrong, please let me know...

Oh man...this is so real "LIFE"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_makes_it_through_day

Odessa, 21 Months

Oh baby. I love you so much. It isn't until you are a parent that you can understand the depths of love that one can have for their children.

Life with you is getting to be really fun! The newborn phase, with your endless crying, was tormenting. As an infant, I realized how my personality doesn't match well with the needs of a young baby. I need alone time. I write and read. This is how I maintain any semblance of a emotional equilibrium. But now you enjoy a little more independence, which gives me some of the time that I "need". You also love to be on the go! I can tell that you get bored at home by mid-morning. So every day that we are home we go out and play and have fun together. Sometimes we get out just to run errands -- grocery store, bank etc. Other days we enjoy peaceful time at the library and the park. And some days I have a lot of energy and we will go to the Children's Museum or the community center indoor gym -- Odessa-centric places like that.

You are VERY sociable. You love to go around restaurants and say "Hi" to everyone at their tables. Much to the chagrin of the staff. At school, they call you their "greeter" because you will stand at the gated doorway and greet everyone who goes by. When you see other kids playing, you don't hesitate to go right over and join in. I have to watch you carefully, because you will follow kids anywhere. At a Le Leche League meeting the other day, you went around to each of the moms to sit on their laps -- and they were complete strangers. I am so happy that you are so confident and comfortable around people. I hope that trait continues.

You have been teething for what seems like forever. But these past two months all that effort paid off and you have gotten approximately 6 molars. I say "approximately" because it is really hard to get a good look in your mouth without getting bitten. BUT, a couple of weeks ago we had a couple really rough nights where we only got a few hours of shut-eye. That was tough but it all seems to be going better now (knock on wood).

Schedule. Schmedule. It used to be so random and now your patterns are quite consistent. Which is good for me because I need routines. You are an early riser. I am really not sure how to change that. So we get up at 5:30 most mornings. Your nap time is around 12 p.m. depending on how busy we are. If I nap with you (and I usually do, one of my all-time favorite parts of the day) you will often sleep for 2-3 hours. It is such a nice reprieve in the middle of the day. You go to bed around 9:30 p.m. I am trying to make that earlier in the evening but I am not very good at it. 1) I wonder if you go to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 if you will still wake up at 5:30 a.m. Maybe you would and that would be good for you and you need more sleep. Or maybe not. 2) It is hard for me to want to stop all the evening activities to start our bedtime routine. We are generally hanging out with Daddy or Grandma or Auntie Kiki. 3) By the time our bedtime routine is over and I nurse you before sleep, I am ready to go to bed but 7:30 just is too early for me. So I tend to keep you up until I am more ready for sleep.

*After a couple nights of sleep experimentation, I came to the conclusion that you will not be ready for sleep at any point before 8:00 p.m. I think that you need about 10 hours a night (8 ish till 6 ish in the morning). So if we are reading bedtime stories at 7:45 p.m., then we are doing really well. And if you fall asleep rather quickly, I can still have 1-2 hours of "me" time. Sadly, "me" time = laundry and catching up on emails. But I am the neurotic one so that is my problem, not yours.

You say SO many words now! I don't even think I can list them all if I wanted to. You are quite confident about shouting "no!" and "help please". Recently we discovered that you can say "butterfly". You just talk all the time and it is so nice to be able to communicate with my little dictator. And you understand even more! When we get home, you will often run through the front door and then spin around quickly trying to escape again ("wait...I just remembered -- I don't want to be home"). Sometimes I am not quick enough and then I have to either chase after you or bribe you to come back in. The other day the I said "come in for cookie!" and you spun right back around again! Already I am black-mailing my child for dessert.

Another funny thing that involves dessert is that whenever we say "Kiki" (as in Auntie Kiki) you look towards the kitchen and ask "cookie?". V. cute.

I didn't really have a plan, but I always imagined that you would likely self-wean. But something changed in the past couple of months. I don't even want to us to wean, just to nurse less. Some days I am totally fine with your being my Velcro-baby who nurses frequently, but there are some days that I just am irritated by so much nursing. So we are working on nursing less. You don't like it very much and sometimes I feel bad because you do love your "na-nas" so much.

Your hair. I think we are at the point where we should address your hair. For awhile there I was concerned that a "good hair day" for you meant that it didn't look like you had been recently electrocuted. But now your "wisps" have developed into very cute ringlets! Grandma bought you a special shampoo for babies with curly hair and it seems to be helping quite a bit. I also now know that I need to wet your hair and comb it out each morning to get your ringlets back into shape.

I have been thinking a lot about your birth recently. I think it is because I am starting to think about giving you a sibling. Or not. Its a tough decision and one that we will cover at a later juncture. For you, we had planned an all-natural, water birth. Apparently, this plan was in contradiction to your own plan for exiting the womb or you are terrible at reading maps. Being the dramatic girl that you are (or just a terrible map-reader), you decided to attempt to get out sunny-side up and "brow presentation" which means that you had your neck tilted backwards. Well, guess what, that didn't work for my pelvis. We ended up in the hospital with a c-section. I was just so happy to have a beautiful, healthy baby that I didn't really figure out what had "gone wrong". But now considering being pregnant again, I wanted to know what happened and if I wimped out or really needed the c-section. After reading my medical records and research on the Internet, it is pretty clear that a baby can almost certainly not be born in the position in which you chose.

Of course, there is always room for doubt and so I am still thinking about "why" you ended up in that position -- what could I have done to change prevent/change that? You know what, I guess that I will never know. But I do know this: however in life your plans may contradict mine, I love you very, very much.

Hazards of Nursing in Public

Saturday Evening Picnic

This weekend the weather could not have been any more beautiful! And I am happy to say that we took full advantage of it. We went to the Saturday Market and then had our dinner at the park, picnic style. Odessa LOVES collecting all the flowers (dandelions) and bringing them to mom and dad.

On Sunday we ate breakfast at one of our favorite breakfast places and then we went to over to a friends for a bbq dinner.

Very good weekend.

Wednesday Evening

Tonight was one of those nights. Set up: It was a long day so we are all tired.

I attempted to put Odessa to bed twice. The first time at 7:30 p.m. (early for us but she was acting tired). After a couple minutes of snuggling and na-nas, Odessa got up and was jumping/dancing on the bed. Then she climbed off the bed and left the room. It is so strange to have a young, helpless (seemingly) infant one minute and what seems like the next minute, that same helpless infant is deciding by herself to get off the bed and leave the bedroom in search of cookies.

Attempt number two was at 8:30 p.m. and I was SURE that she was good and tired. In the dark room, I can sense that she is moving about. I turn on the light, and yep, she had gotten off the bed again and was carrying around my tennis shoe. I do not know how she sees in the dark like that. Possibility #1) better eyesight than moi; Possibility #2) she has cat DNA.

I am always torn between being the stern mom and bringing her back to bed or just letting her play until she is truly ready to sleep. I usually just start reading and listen for loud crashes coming from the living room. But, then I am lying there in bed reading about how we have a public health crisis: a generation of "sleep-deprived" children. That thought spins into my envisioning Odessa's poor, sleep-deprived future. The true public health crisis? Sleep deprived mamas.

The end of the story? Larry puts Odessa on his chest and she falls asleep immediately while I am up with insomnia worrying about her sleep-deprivation. Big sigh.

Passing Judgment at Bedtime

Reading from the book "Mama Loves You"

Me (pointing to page): "What's that?"
Odessa: "Bubbafly" (butterfly)



Me (pointing to page): "And what's that?"
Odessa: "Bee"



Me (pointing to page): "What is that one?"
Odessa: "Mama"


Is she saying something about my hair?

Ebay Addiction

I am coming to the conclusion that I may have an Ebay addiction, but look at these items I got for 99 cents each... Of course, once you add shipping to that it isn't quite as awesome of a deal but that's a minor detail that I say we forget.

Inobservant

So I never remember to look at the far right side of people's blogs to see their lists and stuff. I just changed all of mine and wanted to let anyone know who may be interested in taking a look. I know, real exciting stuff :)

Windows... Another place to draw

Odessa has graced us with her artistic abilty by covering many surfaces with her artwork. Why should the windows be left out?

Lost: One immune system ran away to have better times (reward if found)

I can't believe that I am sick again. My immune system truly must be MIA. I wonder if at-least part of the reasons is Odessa's entrance into "school" although she seems to be the healthiest of us all.


Odessa and I fell asleep at around 9 p.m. ish. Around midnight I woke up coughing and couldn't stop. So I came out to the kitchen and took cough meds and went back to bed. An hour later, I am coughing compulsively which, in turn wakes Odessa up. I tried to do the whole sitting up sleeping thing but it wasn't really helpful. It is time to take out the big guns. At that point I decided that I had no choice but to take the cough med w/ narcotic that I reserve for emergencies. I can't sleep. I am waking Odessa up. And she will likely be up for the day in, like, three hours.


So here is the warning -- I am blogging on narcotics again. I am just trying to give them some time to kick in so that I can crawl back into bed. Which sounds SO NICE. So hopefully I don't say anything stupid or regrettable in my narcotic haze.


My thought at the moment, is that maybe Grandma will be interested in a few qualiy hours with O in the morning so that I can get a few extra hours of shut-eye. Larry is in Canada for the weekend, otherwise it would be all on him. And to add the cherry on top, maybe Grandpa could pick up some donuts or starbucks or something. I think that I am going to need it!

Typing out her first novel

Update on Playschool

Odessa started at daycare/playschool just over a month ago and I think after yesterday's experience it is time for an update. I can't believe it has only been that short of a time -- I guess we are all adjusting very well when I think of it that way!

Yesterday we walked into the classroom coatroom and I proceeded to remove Odessa's sweater and hat. One arm was still in the sweater as she was attempting to enter the classroom by herself, she seemed so excited to be there! Odessa walked right up to the other kids and joined in on the play. She looked up at me and smiled and that was it. No tears, no clinging, no scowl.

This made me so happy -- to know that she is happy there and that I don't need to worry (or at least worry less). I am so happy to see that you are such a confident kid.

And one more toddler eating habit

I don't think any description is neccessary for this one...

Lazy Parenting

Today I was a lazy mom. And one is supposed to "pick their battles" right? And, "no" is becoming my least favorite word ever.

Today Odessa:

• ate cookies for breakfast
• drank almost all of the rootbeer
• ate lunch on the living room floor
• used markers to draw on herself and her clothes (and likely some other places that I haven't yet discovered)
• went outside without shoes
• "painted" with yogurt

And, it isn't even bedtime yet.

Good article (Wondertime magazine): http://wondertime.go.com/parent-to-parent/article/in-praise-of-lazy-parenting.html

Baby Bunny Odessa

And yet another toddler eating habit...

When eating lunch, you insist that your teddy bear sits beside you so that you can "feed" him. Ridiculously adorable.

Wrestling with my inner confusion

So, Odessa missed Wednesday at Daycare due to The Cold. I think that the majority of parents would have sent their kids in O's condition anyway but I just couldn't in good conscience -- I knew she wasn't feeling up to par and she had a quite, drippy nose.

So that means that she hadn't been at school in a week. And the week that it was just me and O together we had a lot of fun. The weather was great so we picked up "num-nums" at Trader Joes (including a hard cider for me), had a little picnic and played in the yard.

Additionally, I feel that I am beginning to understand how to incorporate some of the things that I feel she really benefits from inter our lives. I am getting the idea of setting up a few stations in the living room each day. One day it will be blocks, another a ton of books, etc. And also how to incorporate all the art projects that she loves without my anxiety peaking due to the paint on the carpet and the markers on the wall. Once a day or so, we still gate off the kitchen, bring out our art supplies and create away.

Plus I am getting better about getting out there in situations that I am not familiar with -- playgrounds, mama/baby networking groups, library story time, etc.

Now I feel conflicted (again) about working and having baby O in childcare. I don't think it is harming her -- I am not [too] worried about that. Now I am just starting to feel like I might be getting this whole parenting thing down (I know, only two years into it! [sarcasm]) and that I want to be with my babe during these tender, first years. I am always in a rush, but she will have plenty of years of playschool/preschool later.

The other side of the coin is this: I really like working. And I am worried that if I make this decision, then I will regret it and not be able to go back.

Through all this internal struggle, I also wonder if maybe I just need to take a vacation? I have the time from work but feel bad for using it as I know we have some projects that we are really trying to power through.

2 more thoughts just occurred to me: 1) I feel like having less going on in my life may help me clarify other internal struggles that continue to resurface. And 2) maybe one should avoid all inner conflict conversations with self at 2:30 in the morning.

Addendum: Another problem with posting blogs at 2:30 a.m. -- I totally don't remember writing this stuff! I thought I was dreaming. That makes me wonder if I should be worried about Alzheimer's. But maybe that is mommy-hood?

Another Toddler Eating Habit

After eating yogurt*, turns bowl upside-down, places on head and says "hat".

*strawberry Greek-style, mmmm....

Zoes Cabin March 2008

This past weekend my family spent two days in Zigzag, Oregon. Larry chose not to come for two reasons: 1) We were using this weekend to clean the carpets when O wouldn't be there to ingest the chemicals and 2) My family spent two days in Zigzag, Oregon. Enough said.

We had fun despite going through about 9 boxes of tissues, 2 bottles of cough medicine, and 1 bag of marshmallows.