Addendum to previous post
How many times do I have to learn the lesson that I cannot take cough medicine with codeine? It is great because it lessens the cough which means that I can sleep (the coughing is what is keeping me up) BUT, and it is a big BUT, codeine totally makes me "high". I get super motivated and very much not sleepy. And really I haven't found anything w/o codeine that lessens coughs. Hmmm.
So tonight I am again taking cough meds but also taking some benadryl so I hope it does the trick. If not, that is why God made caffeine.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
One thing or another + Day 3 at Playschool
If it isn't one thing it is another, ya know? So, no, I am not anxious and I am not feeling the insomnia. But I have a cough that wakes me up until I finally really get up, take cough medicine and wait for it to start working. This isn't the first time we have been sick this year and, although it isn't serious, boy is it annoying!
Today was Odessa's first "full" day at Play School. I dropped her off at about 8:15 a.m. We go into the classroom and hang up her coat and hat and then I spend a couple minutes there talking to her teachers. I picked her back up after work at 2:30 p.m. When I walk into the classroom, I just watch to see what she is doing until she eventually spots me and runs up to give me a hug. She was just about to climb onto one of the toddler-size chairs at the toddler-size table when she saw me.
Her teachers say that it is one of the smoothest transitions into school they have ever seen and that there were no tears all day! Plus she did really well with nap time, going straight to sleep on the mat with the special blanket that Grandma gave to her. I am having a hard time believing that they are talking about my kid! So I have a couple theories: 1) they are pumping "special" air into the room filled with serotonin, 2) when I leave to go to work, my baby is replaced by an alien baby, and 3) the lunch is spiked with benadryl.
It isn't like I think O is a bad kid but she is intense and would have cried at home at least one time during the day. I have read that some toddlers won't release that kind of energy (crying) unless they feel very safe and comfortable so they often "save it up" for their parents. So that is probably it. Now I WANT her to cry at Play School.
Her teachers wrote on her take-home note that she is very explorative and has investigated every part of the room. She also has taken a liking to a little boy named Max who follows her around trying to make her laugh. How adorable! I told Larry about Max and immediately in a stern, dad-like voice he said "How old is this Max?" What did he think, like this baby boy in playschool is, like, 30 0r something?
So another successful day of play school. And, honestly, I don't think that I have felt this happy in the past 19 months. Just knowing that she can be okay in that kind of a situation and that I can pursue some other interests...
Odessa fell asleep relatively early tonight -- 8 p.m. It was nice because it gave Larry and I a chance to just sit on the couch and talk. Sadly, something that we have a hard time finding the time to do since O.
We talked about our days -- he was telling me something about wood products and I was half-listening and reading a magazine article. Then I told him about a new plan I thought up at 3:30 a.m. yesterday (which is the time that all the first-rate plans are produced). The plan is this: we start up regular family meetings which we take minutes at. We discuss items and create action plans. And then we follow-up on that item/action plan at the next family meeting -- just like at work! He seemed less than excited. But families can be run like businesses, no?
And then I diagnosed him with Dysthimia and PTSD. That is pretty much when he announced that he was going to bed. I will add "talk about mental health" to the family meeting minutes.
Today was Odessa's first "full" day at Play School. I dropped her off at about 8:15 a.m. We go into the classroom and hang up her coat and hat and then I spend a couple minutes there talking to her teachers. I picked her back up after work at 2:30 p.m. When I walk into the classroom, I just watch to see what she is doing until she eventually spots me and runs up to give me a hug. She was just about to climb onto one of the toddler-size chairs at the toddler-size table when she saw me.
Her teachers say that it is one of the smoothest transitions into school they have ever seen and that there were no tears all day! Plus she did really well with nap time, going straight to sleep on the mat with the special blanket that Grandma gave to her. I am having a hard time believing that they are talking about my kid! So I have a couple theories: 1) they are pumping "special" air into the room filled with serotonin, 2) when I leave to go to work, my baby is replaced by an alien baby, and 3) the lunch is spiked with benadryl.
It isn't like I think O is a bad kid but she is intense and would have cried at home at least one time during the day. I have read that some toddlers won't release that kind of energy (crying) unless they feel very safe and comfortable so they often "save it up" for their parents. So that is probably it. Now I WANT her to cry at Play School.
Her teachers wrote on her take-home note that she is very explorative and has investigated every part of the room. She also has taken a liking to a little boy named Max who follows her around trying to make her laugh. How adorable! I told Larry about Max and immediately in a stern, dad-like voice he said "How old is this Max?" What did he think, like this baby boy in playschool is, like, 30 0r something?
So another successful day of play school. And, honestly, I don't think that I have felt this happy in the past 19 months. Just knowing that she can be okay in that kind of a situation and that I can pursue some other interests...
Odessa fell asleep relatively early tonight -- 8 p.m. It was nice because it gave Larry and I a chance to just sit on the couch and talk. Sadly, something that we have a hard time finding the time to do since O.
We talked about our days -- he was telling me something about wood products and I was half-listening and reading a magazine article. Then I told him about a new plan I thought up at 3:30 a.m. yesterday (which is the time that all the first-rate plans are produced). The plan is this: we start up regular family meetings which we take minutes at. We discuss items and create action plans. And then we follow-up on that item/action plan at the next family meeting -- just like at work! He seemed less than excited. But families can be run like businesses, no?
And then I diagnosed him with Dysthimia and PTSD. That is pretty much when he announced that he was going to bed. I will add "talk about mental health" to the family meeting minutes.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Anxiety, an unwelcome visitor
Man, do I have a problem with the big A word. I think all of the changes in my life recently have really prompted some major anxiety with me. A few of the big ones: O starting at daycare, the drama in my family (one would think I would be used to that by now), and the surreal, out-of-body experience you sometimes get with a virus.
I am on xanax now (I just couldn't get my mind to quiet down enough to sleep) so I have clarity at the moment, albeit drug-induced clarity. So Tomorrow The Big Goal is to get back into my routine of reducing my anxiety through non-pharmacological ways. So basically I need to start walking again and also doing my yoga. I know that it sounds so clique but it is so true!
I am on xanax now (I just couldn't get my mind to quiet down enough to sleep) so I have clarity at the moment, albeit drug-induced clarity. So Tomorrow The Big Goal is to get back into my routine of reducing my anxiety through non-pharmacological ways. So basically I need to start walking again and also doing my yoga. I know that it sounds so clique but it is so true!
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Weather outside: warm and sunny; Weather inside: snotty and drippy
We caught The Cold that has been going around. I knew it was just a matter of time. I have all the typical cold symptoms, Larry just has a raging headache, and Odessa seems perfectly fine. I hope that it is all those good breast-milk antibodies and not the fact that she is the next to go down. Nothing is worse than having a sick kid to take care of. Their non-sick needs are so intense that if you add anything onto that, it is just crazy.
And, on a side note. I went back through the 2007 posts and we were totally all sick this time last year too. I guess mid-February is not good for us.
And, on a side note. I went back through the 2007 posts and we were totally all sick this time last year too. I guess mid-February is not good for us.
Playschool: Day Two
Day Two went great as well! I had a lot of anxiety that Day One was just a crazy fluke and that Odessa would be dragging on the floor holding onto my leg as I limped for the door. She did cry when I left. But, she does that when I leave her with Grandma or Daddy too. So, of course, I walk out and hide from view to listen. She cried, literally, for less than a minute. It is just like they say in all the damn books.
So I go to work. Larry picks her up four hours later (right before nap-time). He said she looked like she was having fun, just running around with the other babes. When she spotted him, she ran up to him smiling and that made him feel really good.
Larry took O to his office where I met them to pick her up and go home. She was sitting on his lap, helping with some computer related tasks. Of course, I asked Larry what the teachers said about how the day went, but he just didn't have enough elaboration so I called the school myself. The teachers said that she did really well, no tears, but seemed to be teething quite a bit (yeah, tell me about it). And that she made them all laugh because whenever one of the other kids would laugh, she would do her "fake" laugh which sounds SO not natural and she throws her head back for full effect.
So, all is good. Except for the fact that leaving her at play-school takes up most of my income. Which I am still working on how to justify but will consist of examples such as: the decreased earning power of women who "broke" from the workforce to care for their kids, my sanity which is greatly helped by going to work, and the importance for me to meet some of my non-mama related needs (that last one could also work as an excuse for hiring a prostitute, except maybe the "mama" part).
On another front, my mom has spoken to me in days despite my attempts at reconciliation. I think that she really believes that I did this to punish her, when in fact, it has nothing to do with her. It is all about Me. My mom would respond that I think everything is about me. And, actually, if I think about it, how else can one view the world but from the perspective of how everything else effects them?
So I go to work. Larry picks her up four hours later (right before nap-time). He said she looked like she was having fun, just running around with the other babes. When she spotted him, she ran up to him smiling and that made him feel really good.
Larry took O to his office where I met them to pick her up and go home. She was sitting on his lap, helping with some computer related tasks. Of course, I asked Larry what the teachers said about how the day went, but he just didn't have enough elaboration so I called the school myself. The teachers said that she did really well, no tears, but seemed to be teething quite a bit (yeah, tell me about it). And that she made them all laugh because whenever one of the other kids would laugh, she would do her "fake" laugh which sounds SO not natural and she throws her head back for full effect.
So, all is good. Except for the fact that leaving her at play-school takes up most of my income. Which I am still working on how to justify but will consist of examples such as: the decreased earning power of women who "broke" from the workforce to care for their kids, my sanity which is greatly helped by going to work, and the importance for me to meet some of my non-mama related needs (that last one could also work as an excuse for hiring a prostitute, except maybe the "mama" part).
On another front, my mom has spoken to me in days despite my attempts at reconciliation. I think that she really believes that I did this to punish her, when in fact, it has nothing to do with her. It is all about Me. My mom would respond that I think everything is about me. And, actually, if I think about it, how else can one view the world but from the perspective of how everything else effects them?
Friday, February 08, 2008
It's three a.m. and I am awake again...
I am feeling very positive (although scared and nervous) about some changes coming up in my life. Fear holds me back. In fact it paralyzes me. But not with everything. A couple examples would be 1) leaving baby O with anyone other than my mom or her daddy 2) GRE -- I am so scared of that damn test and I need to figure it out in baby steps. Even if I never go to graduate school, I don't want that fear to hold me back 3) new places and new things: it takes me a lot of talking myself into it before I can go -- I have recently starting getting better at that as I am pushing myself way beyond my comfort level and I come out on the other side unscathed 4) finances -- the mere thought of money and I start panicking. Maybe I have PTSD? But from what? That one time my allowance was taken away? When a commercial comes one for debt reduction or banking or buying cars I switch the channel immediately. I know, not healthy, but I am working on it.
1) Odessa and Playschool: I have been thinking of starting Odessa at play-school part time (that really just means daycare but I think that “play-school" sounds better and that is what they call it in many other countries. So, in this instance alone I am European. That and when I don a fake English accent.
My fear of her potential sadness has held me back considerably. I never thought I would be one of those moms and here I am, a classic example. Here is the only way I can explain it: when you feel that your child could be sad or hurt or scared or confused, it just feels like someone is ripping your heart out with their bare hands.
Well, my jump into the pool of daycare, ahem play-school, was prompted by one of my mom and I's continual arguments. And when I do anything or say anything that she doesn't like, she refuses to watch O while I go to work. It is just not good to mix work and family like that. And this is probably the sixth time it has happened in a year or so.
Bottom line, it is just not a good dynamic. Reasons for my mom not to watch O while I work: 1) not good for the family dynamics of mom and her adult daughter (me), and myself and my young child. 2) my moms health is not up to par and it would be better for her to not have to take so much responsibility for O's welfare. 3) now when Larry and I want occasional date night (which we have found is very helpful for our marriage), I would feel less guilty about asking mom and she would likely be more enthused as she hasn't already had baby for two almost-full days.
So, yesterday I took Odessa to her first day of school (after taking two xanax for the feeling that my heart was going to beat out of my chest)! I hung out there with her for about an hour showing her the toys and books and other fun stuff. Then it was lunch time so I helped Odessa get comfortable in her seat, gave her a kiss, and said "mama is going to go for a little while and I will be back soon". She watched me leave but was really more interested in the food and all the little kids sitting at the table along with her.
I told all the teachers and the supervisor to call me for ANY reason at all. I will be just a few minutes away. From there I was trying to kill some time to give Odessa an adequate opportunity to experience a few hours of play-school. So I went to Starbucks and some baby re-sale shops and then finally to Target. I thought the three hours was NEVER going to end. I checked my phone constantly and even bought a car charger in case by some freak accident I lose what’s left of my battery before I get back to my baby. Side note: Another side effect of anxiety and xanax: shopping. Its not like I went crazy but I definitely bought more that I "should" have. I got some very cute clothes for O for this Spring and Summer, a couple new books, and a second car seat. Larry and I have been wanting to get a second car seat for a long time and it will be imperative if Larry is going to be able to drop off/pick up O sometimes.
So, I finally return to the play-school. After they eat lunch, it is story time, and then nap time. When I peaked into the room she was totally asleep on the little mat right next to another little girl’s mat. I couldn't believe it!
So I filled out a bunch of paperwork there and looked through their handbook because I was not going to wake her up. The next time I peaked in, all the kids are sitting at their cute, toddler-size tables with their afternoon snacks in front of them. Odessa is laughing and gabbing with a little girl next to her! I came in and she seemed happy to see me, although not ecstatic. We walked over to the chair in the corner for a one-minute na-na session and then she wanted me to read some books. So I did, and the other toddlers swarmed over to hear as well and put in their opinions on the book selection. Soon, Odessa climbed off my lap and went to play with some other toys. SO there I am reading to a bunch of kids who are not my own. "Time to go bye-bye Odessa" -- she begins running in the opposite direction -- she actually wanted to stay! (I hope that this is a sign that she is "well-attached" and secure and knows that I will always come back for her.) We waved "bye-bye" to all the little kids and we were off. It went better than I would have ever dreamed.
What a relief. And what a sense of freedom: I can go to the gym once in a while, or run a few errands without O, or whatever. Just knowing that you can't do those things is an awful feeling.
Tomorrow she goes again for four hours while I go to work. My phone will be glued to my hip. And maybe there will be tears at some point -- tomorrow or down the road, but at this point I feel so much more confident to handle any emotional challenges that come my way. I really do believe that this change is going to be good for all of us: my marriage, our family unit, Odessa, Grandma, me -- I now know that I can pursue some of my goals. It is possible. Some moms love to stay at home with their kids all the time -- I am not one of those moms. I have career, educational and personal growth aspirations and I don't want to think that I have to "shelve them" because I had a baby. It is just a matter of finding a balance that works for your family.
1) Odessa and Playschool: I have been thinking of starting Odessa at play-school part time (that really just means daycare but I think that “play-school" sounds better and that is what they call it in many other countries. So, in this instance alone I am European. That and when I don a fake English accent.
My fear of her potential sadness has held me back considerably. I never thought I would be one of those moms and here I am, a classic example. Here is the only way I can explain it: when you feel that your child could be sad or hurt or scared or confused, it just feels like someone is ripping your heart out with their bare hands.
Well, my jump into the pool of daycare, ahem play-school, was prompted by one of my mom and I's continual arguments. And when I do anything or say anything that she doesn't like, she refuses to watch O while I go to work. It is just not good to mix work and family like that. And this is probably the sixth time it has happened in a year or so.
Bottom line, it is just not a good dynamic. Reasons for my mom not to watch O while I work: 1) not good for the family dynamics of mom and her adult daughter (me), and myself and my young child. 2) my moms health is not up to par and it would be better for her to not have to take so much responsibility for O's welfare. 3) now when Larry and I want occasional date night (which we have found is very helpful for our marriage), I would feel less guilty about asking mom and she would likely be more enthused as she hasn't already had baby for two almost-full days.
So, yesterday I took Odessa to her first day of school (after taking two xanax for the feeling that my heart was going to beat out of my chest)! I hung out there with her for about an hour showing her the toys and books and other fun stuff. Then it was lunch time so I helped Odessa get comfortable in her seat, gave her a kiss, and said "mama is going to go for a little while and I will be back soon". She watched me leave but was really more interested in the food and all the little kids sitting at the table along with her.
I told all the teachers and the supervisor to call me for ANY reason at all. I will be just a few minutes away. From there I was trying to kill some time to give Odessa an adequate opportunity to experience a few hours of play-school. So I went to Starbucks and some baby re-sale shops and then finally to Target. I thought the three hours was NEVER going to end. I checked my phone constantly and even bought a car charger in case by some freak accident I lose what’s left of my battery before I get back to my baby. Side note: Another side effect of anxiety and xanax: shopping. Its not like I went crazy but I definitely bought more that I "should" have. I got some very cute clothes for O for this Spring and Summer, a couple new books, and a second car seat. Larry and I have been wanting to get a second car seat for a long time and it will be imperative if Larry is going to be able to drop off/pick up O sometimes.
So, I finally return to the play-school. After they eat lunch, it is story time, and then nap time. When I peaked into the room she was totally asleep on the little mat right next to another little girl’s mat. I couldn't believe it!
So I filled out a bunch of paperwork there and looked through their handbook because I was not going to wake her up. The next time I peaked in, all the kids are sitting at their cute, toddler-size tables with their afternoon snacks in front of them. Odessa is laughing and gabbing with a little girl next to her! I came in and she seemed happy to see me, although not ecstatic. We walked over to the chair in the corner for a one-minute na-na session and then she wanted me to read some books. So I did, and the other toddlers swarmed over to hear as well and put in their opinions on the book selection. Soon, Odessa climbed off my lap and went to play with some other toys. SO there I am reading to a bunch of kids who are not my own. "Time to go bye-bye Odessa" -- she begins running in the opposite direction -- she actually wanted to stay! (I hope that this is a sign that she is "well-attached" and secure and knows that I will always come back for her.) We waved "bye-bye" to all the little kids and we were off. It went better than I would have ever dreamed.
What a relief. And what a sense of freedom: I can go to the gym once in a while, or run a few errands without O, or whatever. Just knowing that you can't do those things is an awful feeling.
Tomorrow she goes again for four hours while I go to work. My phone will be glued to my hip. And maybe there will be tears at some point -- tomorrow or down the road, but at this point I feel so much more confident to handle any emotional challenges that come my way. I really do believe that this change is going to be good for all of us: my marriage, our family unit, Odessa, Grandma, me -- I now know that I can pursue some of my goals. It is possible. Some moms love to stay at home with their kids all the time -- I am not one of those moms. I have career, educational and personal growth aspirations and I don't want to think that I have to "shelve them" because I had a baby. It is just a matter of finding a balance that works for your family.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Reassurance
This is an article from kellymom.com that I have read more than once. And I should put it on my "to-do" list at least once every couple weeks. I spend so much time worrying and stressing and second guessing and listening to other's opinions when what I really need to do is just BE.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's intense needs?
But how much intense parenting they need, possibly including frequent nursing, in the second year depends for the most part on their inborn timetable for emotional development. As parents we can slow down emotional growth by leaving needs unmet. But there is nothing extra we can do to speed it up. ...your investment in your toddler who seems to be 'always attached' will pay off when the time for independence does come. -- Norma Jane Bumgarner in "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler"
Older babies and toddlers can get really clingy at times. Sometimes it seems as if your child has been nursing all day (or all night), or has been clinging to your leg all day long (even when you go to the bathroom) and you really just need a break.
These "velcro days" usually have a cause (even if we only know after the fact): teething, illness, a developmental advance. But even when you know the reason behind a clingy episode, it can still be very frustrating, particularly if you had something you expected to get done or if you were simply anticipating some time to yourself.
Do know that each of us gets overwhelmed from time to time. Remember - these moments pass, even though it may seem like forever when you're in the middle of one of these days.
I've gathered a few tips for dealing with these "velcro" days, but I'd like to get your suggestions and experiences, too.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's intense needs?
But how much intense parenting they need, possibly including frequent nursing, in the second year depends for the most part on their inborn timetable for emotional development. As parents we can slow down emotional growth by leaving needs unmet. But there is nothing extra we can do to speed it up. ...your investment in your toddler who seems to be 'always attached' will pay off when the time for independence does come. -- Norma Jane Bumgarner in "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler"
Older babies and toddlers can get really clingy at times. Sometimes it seems as if your child has been nursing all day (or all night), or has been clinging to your leg all day long (even when you go to the bathroom) and you really just need a break.
These "velcro days" usually have a cause (even if we only know after the fact): teething, illness, a developmental advance. But even when you know the reason behind a clingy episode, it can still be very frustrating, particularly if you had something you expected to get done or if you were simply anticipating some time to yourself.
Do know that each of us gets overwhelmed from time to time. Remember - these moments pass, even though it may seem like forever when you're in the middle of one of these days.
I've gathered a few tips for dealing with these "velcro" days, but I'd like to get your suggestions and experiences, too.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Alarm Clock
I bought an alarm clock last night at Target. I figured this would save me from having to get out of bed just to determine which course of action I should take: 1) it is 3 a.m. and I should be trying to get Odessa to go back to sleep or 2) it is 6:30 a.m. and her normal wake-up hour and I have no chance in hell of getting her to go back to sleep.
So, I am finally falling asleep when Odessa wakes up for the first time in the night if she is teething, or growth-spurting, or has any other developmental thing going on (which is more nights than not). Then I am back to trying to fall asleep. Luckily this doesn't take as long the second time around.
Then Odessa wakes up one more time sometime in the night/early morning before she gets up "for real" at 6:15 -- 6:30 a.m.
What this also means is that I am getting less sleep than Larry is even though I go to bed much earlier than he does. So I get less "me" time and less sleep. Life is so not fair.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Baby (doesn't) Love Disco
We finally got to Baby Loves Disco (http://www.babylovesdisco.com/locations/portland/) last Sunday. It was funny for mama (vodka and cranberry juice) but Miss O was a little wary of the whole thing...the loud music, the disco ball, all those kids.I am glad now that I didn't take her when she was younger. I knew my baby well enough to know that it would be overwhelming for her gentle personality and I am glad that I listened to my instincts. But then again, it really wasn't that big of a deal. I don't think she is likely to have life-long PTSD repercusions.
We will definitely go again...but when O is a bit older.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Chlamydia
True Story:
It all started when I managed to lose my birth control pills (see last post). In all the years of my birth control usage, I have never done that. So day two with no pills, I decide to call my primary care practitioner and leave a message asking that she phone a prescription in for me.
That morning while I was at the Children's Museum (CM), her medical assistant left a message for me to call her back basically saying that they would go ahead and phone that prescription in but she also needed to talk to me about one other thing.
I figured that one other thing was scheduling my annual exam -- when was the last one? Boy was I wrong.
So I get to Starbucks after the CM with my friend and our two babes. I finally reach the medical assistant and here is the conversation:
Her: "Your chlamydia test came back positive"
Me: "What?! But I have been married (and faithful) for eight years"
Her: "Then you should probably talk to your husband"
Me: Oh my God, okay"
Me to friend at Starbucks: "They say that I have chlamydia! What is chlamydia? What does that mean? How could I have gotten chlamydia? Larry cheated on me! That bastard!"
I call the medical assistant back to ask a couple more questions that I thought of after the shock of the news wore off. I leave message.
Back at home, I Google "Chlamydia": Women are routinely tested for chlamydia in pregnancy as they can pass it to their unborn babies. Larry gave me AND my baby chlamydia! Double-bastard!
I begin searching through my medical records. I find that I tested negative for chlamydia in pregnancy. That means he cheated on me sometime while I was pregnant OR had a newborn baby. Triple-bastard!
Medical Assistant returns my call.
Me: "How long could this have been dormant for?" (ie Is there any reason that I should not castrate my husband as soon as walks in the door this evening?)
Her: "It is possible that it was dormant for that long but very, very unlikely" (ie Go ahead with castration plans)
Me: "When was I tested for this? I can't even remember when my last annual exam was"
Her: "Hold on a sec while I check your medical record again"
On hold. Me panicking: I am going to be a single mother. What about the finances? What about our trip planned to Mt Hood? How do I tell Odessa about this when she is older? Who will get the cat? Who wants the cat? Should I throw all of Larry's belongings into the front yard?
Her: "Okay, take a deep breath"
Me: "What the hell are you going to tell me now, I have HIV?"
Her: "We got your medical records mixed up with another Megan and you are not the one who tested for chlamydia. We are so sorry about all of this"
One hour and two xanax later...
Me (to Larry): "Well, I almost divorced you today..."
It all started when I managed to lose my birth control pills (see last post). In all the years of my birth control usage, I have never done that. So day two with no pills, I decide to call my primary care practitioner and leave a message asking that she phone a prescription in for me.
That morning while I was at the Children's Museum (CM), her medical assistant left a message for me to call her back basically saying that they would go ahead and phone that prescription in but she also needed to talk to me about one other thing.
I figured that one other thing was scheduling my annual exam -- when was the last one? Boy was I wrong.
So I get to Starbucks after the CM with my friend and our two babes. I finally reach the medical assistant and here is the conversation:
Her: "Your chlamydia test came back positive"
Me: "What?! But I have been married (and faithful) for eight years"
Her: "Then you should probably talk to your husband"
Me: Oh my God, okay"
Me to friend at Starbucks: "They say that I have chlamydia! What is chlamydia? What does that mean? How could I have gotten chlamydia? Larry cheated on me! That bastard!"
I call the medical assistant back to ask a couple more questions that I thought of after the shock of the news wore off. I leave message.
Back at home, I Google "Chlamydia": Women are routinely tested for chlamydia in pregnancy as they can pass it to their unborn babies. Larry gave me AND my baby chlamydia! Double-bastard!
I begin searching through my medical records. I find that I tested negative for chlamydia in pregnancy. That means he cheated on me sometime while I was pregnant OR had a newborn baby. Triple-bastard!
Medical Assistant returns my call.
Me: "How long could this have been dormant for?" (ie Is there any reason that I should not castrate my husband as soon as walks in the door this evening?)
Her: "It is possible that it was dormant for that long but very, very unlikely" (ie Go ahead with castration plans)
Me: "When was I tested for this? I can't even remember when my last annual exam was"
Her: "Hold on a sec while I check your medical record again"
On hold. Me panicking: I am going to be a single mother. What about the finances? What about our trip planned to Mt Hood? How do I tell Odessa about this when she is older? Who will get the cat? Who wants the cat? Should I throw all of Larry's belongings into the front yard?
Her: "Okay, take a deep breath"
Me: "What the hell are you going to tell me now, I have HIV?"
Her: "We got your medical records mixed up with another Megan and you are not the one who tested for chlamydia. We are so sorry about all of this"
One hour and two xanax later...
Me (to Larry): "Well, I almost divorced you today..."
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Diagnosis: Parent Brain
Monday:
Me:"Lar, have you seen my wallet?"
Lar: "No mam"
An hour later...
Me: I found my wallet in the weirest spot -- in a bowl on top of the refrigerator! How strange that I would put it up there seeing that I can't even reach" (sarcasm)
Lar: Oops.
Tuesday:
Me: "Lar, have you seen the brown sugar?"
Lar: "No mam...but maybe you should check on top of the refrigerator just in case"
Me: "Already did. No luck this time"
Wednesday:
Me: "Lar, have you seen my birth control pills?"
Lar: "No mam"
Me: "Or my brain? I believe that I lost it sometime in July of 06"
Me:"Lar, have you seen my wallet?"
Lar: "No mam"
An hour later...
Me: I found my wallet in the weirest spot -- in a bowl on top of the refrigerator! How strange that I would put it up there seeing that I can't even reach" (sarcasm)
Lar: Oops.
Tuesday:
Me: "Lar, have you seen the brown sugar?"
Lar: "No mam...but maybe you should check on top of the refrigerator just in case"
Me: "Already did. No luck this time"
Wednesday:
Me: "Lar, have you seen my birth control pills?"
Lar: "No mam"
Me: "Or my brain? I believe that I lost it sometime in July of 06"
Sleeping Like a Baby
Odessa was having a hard time falling asleep last night -- I guess that she takes after her mama :) She seemed very tired (ie cranky) at about 7:30 p.m. so we went to the bedroom lay down. Then she nursed and nursed and nursed (and nursed). Finally I said "Na-nas go night-night" and rolled over. She rolled around for a bit trying to get comfortable. The comfortable spot she chose was with her head resting on my back. After a few minutes, that baby head started to feel very heavy and yet I didn't want to chance waking her up and her wanting to nurse again. Luckily she rolled over again not long after that.
Just a few months ago, I never would have believed that the "na-nas go night-night" bit would ever actually work, but low and behold, they start to really understand SO much!
Just a few months ago, I never would have believed that the "na-nas go night-night" bit would ever actually work, but low and behold, they start to really understand SO much!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Insomnia...Again
So I have been suffering from various forms of insomnia ever since I had big life change about 1 1/2 years ago (can you guess what that was?:) This is day three and I am seriously considering calling my mh provider. The first problem is that it will take me FOREVER to fall asleep. Once asleep it feels like I really didn't get any sleep at all -- you know when you feel like you were just on the edge of sleep for hours. And then finally around 2:00 a.m. I wake up with tons of anxiety (closest thing that I can relate to an anxiety attack) and the only thing I can think of to do is to get up, journal (or blog) and take some sleep-inducing remedies. It seems like this happens intermittently and then goes away on its own after some time. But that "sometime" feels really long when you have to get up to take care of a baby and get to work and get all that other life stuff done. I really can't think of causes -- two nights ago I had two beers? and Odessa is getting her molars in which makes her not the happiest puppy on the block. Hopefully I will be well-rested and have an optimistic blog soon.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Computer Geek in Training
I left Odessa for the evening with her daddy. When I came back, they were sitting side-by-side at the kitchen table. Larry had his laptop open in front of him and Odessa was working with her own keyboard.Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Cape Meares
So we are not into buying a lot of stuff for Christmas. I loved it as a kid, but now as an adult living in middle-class America, I just don't really get it. It isn't that I am shunning commercialism either. It is more practical than that. There is really nothing that we want really badly and that we wouldn't just purchase ourselves. Yes, I could buy Larry a new sweater. Or he could just buy one himself.Anyway, my point it this. We went to Cape Meares for the Christmas holiday prefering going to someplace over getting things that we really do not need or care about. We had a really good time and were bored out of our minds all at the same time. It was nice to have the days "off" and have nothing that we had to do.
We hope to go back sometime in the Summer. I think it will be great when the weather is warmer and we can play on the beach and eat dinner on the deck.
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