Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Overwhelmed
Life can feel so overwhelming at times. I really am not sure how the rest of the world manages -- or do they?
Between being a very-full time (and neurotic) mama, a full-time (and slightly less-neurotic employee) with hopes of advancing in my career some day, and all the apartment upkeep (admittance: highly neurotic), plus the juggle of retaining: marriage stability, economic stability, future (hopefully) economic advancement, AND attempting to keep a semi-stable workout schedule and all the other bodily upkeep. It is just too much and I don't know how to balance it in at all. Additionally, we have this weekend apartment cleaning job which runs contrary to a few goals: mama-stability, marriage stability, and having any free time whatsoever, and yet, non-contrary to others: economic viability.
One: I am fairly neurotic about so many things and that adds an additional level of complexity to what would already be a highly complex system:
I guess the bottom line is that so many goals are completely contradictory to others. If I really commit myself to any one of these things that seem like absolute necessities, than others, by default have to slip. And that would drive me batty.
Every few days I wake up feeling very optimistic with the feeling of "I can do it all!" But that soon fades as my energy and mood-level also fade. I know that I need to prioritize and choose the top most-important things. But I have been trying to do that for years and I really just don't think that is something that I am capable of. My mental health demands a fine balance of keeping everything "just so" which is also just-so impossible.
With that note, I am going to go back to bed.
Between being a very-full time (and neurotic) mama, a full-time (and slightly less-neurotic employee) with hopes of advancing in my career some day, and all the apartment upkeep (admittance: highly neurotic), plus the juggle of retaining: marriage stability, economic stability, future (hopefully) economic advancement, AND attempting to keep a semi-stable workout schedule and all the other bodily upkeep. It is just too much and I don't know how to balance it in at all. Additionally, we have this weekend apartment cleaning job which runs contrary to a few goals: mama-stability, marriage stability, and having any free time whatsoever, and yet, non-contrary to others: economic viability.
One: I am fairly neurotic about so many things and that adds an additional level of complexity to what would already be a highly complex system:
- I am consistently and almost-constantly worrying about Odessa's development and happiness and if I am parenting in the best way possible for her.
- Secondly, I am too neurotic about my apartment. On one hand, I think I should just "let it go", but wouldn't that just create more work later AND drive me absolutely more nutty than I am already am? An example is that I was all ready for bed and tucked in for sleep when I absolutely HAD to get up to clean out my kitchen. I couldn't relax with the visual memory of all the food crammed in there haphazardly not to mention the possibly expired yams and yogurt. So I did that and I felt better. But there is always something else, you know?
- Thirdly -- working is very important to me. I want to do it and do it well. And I would like to continue to research options for advancement.
I guess the bottom line is that so many goals are completely contradictory to others. If I really commit myself to any one of these things that seem like absolute necessities, than others, by default have to slip. And that would drive me batty.
Every few days I wake up feeling very optimistic with the feeling of "I can do it all!" But that soon fades as my energy and mood-level also fade. I know that I need to prioritize and choose the top most-important things. But I have been trying to do that for years and I really just don't think that is something that I am capable of. My mental health demands a fine balance of keeping everything "just so" which is also just-so impossible.
With that note, I am going to go back to bed.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Belmont Street Fair, Sept 6th
Daddy and baby walking down the street.
Odessa bored but enjoying a ride.
Turtle on a leash?!
And up close. And the most interesting part, she is 35 years old!
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Monday, September 01, 2008
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