Christmas 2008

We had plans to stay at a cabin this christmas but the weather didn't cooperate and so we stayed home instead.

Here is a picture of the tree and trimmings that we bought and threw together the day after Christmas. I had vowed to not purchase anything for the holiday, but that really depressed me. I felt like Odessa was missing out on some of the magic of the holiday.

So, bright and early on Friday morning we headed to Target and bought a tree, some trimmings, and a few horribly commercial, plastic gifts for Odessa to open. And at 50% off! We also made it to the toy store on NW 23rd and I bought her a bouncy horse ("pink bunny!" accoring to O) and a special doll that I had been wanting for her.

We decorated that afternoon and opened gifts after nap. Although I know Odessa wouldn't miss it, she really, really had fun! And I had fun enjoying some of the traditions that I was missing and bringing a little of that magic to Odessa.

I love the second picture -- you can tell Odessa is about to totally melt :)

The Snow Continues

A Question from Kiki

Question from Kalina to me:

"Why do you think it is that we were born with no talent?"

Snow!

Here are a few pictures of Odessa in the wintery wonderland that we have been calling home this week. She really is not all that thrilled about it. She does like to look at the snow but she doesn't want to walk in it or touch it. Like mama, she prefers to view the outdoors from the confines of a warm bookstore or coffee shop :)

Snow Day (Week?), December 2008

Please don't call child protective services...

So messy! But she loves it!

Princess Mommy

Odessa calls this picture "princess mommy". She will be very dissapointed in her lack of royal heritage when she gets a little older.

1st School Photo

From September -- but still cute!

Multi-tasking

Here is Odessa using the internet and doing some writing, all at the same time. It is so cute seeing her look so grown-up, hard-at-work.

Happy Halloween!!

This is definitely the most fun Halloween we have had with Odessa. I don't think you can really blame her for the last two years -- she was just too little to be all that excited about traditions. It is a lot more fun though now that she actually kind of "gets it".


We have been talking about how, on Halloween, we get dressed up and go visit people and say "trick-or-treat" and then they give us candy. At the mention of candy, her eyes light up and she says "yay!" (okay, for sure my kid). I am glad that she is not yet at the "why??" age because the strangeness of the holiday would be difficult to explain.


The only problem is that she thinks the phrase "trick-or-treat" is like a secret weapon -- whenever she sees candy she looks up at me and says "trick-or-treat" expectantly. I can almost see her thinking "aha! Now I know the magic word!" Somehow "please" and "thank you" haven't made near the impact on her vocabulary.

Feeding the Ducks, Westmoreland Park, Oct 08

Princess Odessa

This cold, fall weather has made me yearn for hibernation...and cookies. Every day after work I feel like eating dinner and then hanging out at home -- reading or watching a movie. Odessa is not into my indie-drama flicks however. So I decided to rent the Disney movie "Enchanted", hoping that Odessa would enjoy the singing and dancing enough and that she would be okay with hanging out at home for the evening.

"Be careful what you wish for":

Odessa is now obsessed with princesses. I am one of many modern moms who would prefer stronger female heroes for Odessa than Cinderella or Snow White. I had foolishly thought that if we didn't encourage the whole princess obsession, then maybe Odessa would be left ambivalent.

I was wrong. I think that a love for all things sparkly and frilly may be encoded in the genes of many young girls (and some boys).

I hear the phrase "more princess" a lot nowadays. We have Enchanted on DVD and on CD in the car so we can listen to the soundtrack on the way to school in the mornings. Oh joy! It is a little crazy.


The other day I read this post on the Mothering website and found it very interesting, and a little helpful in relieving my princess-obsession encouragement guilt.

http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/childhood/a-little-princess.html

Pumpkin Patch, October 2008

Perfect weather for a day at the pumpkin patch. It was really busy there -- obviously not a novel idea -- but we had a really nice time! Odessa was very into choosing "her" pumpkin (I had to steer her towards the smallish ones), loved the hay ride, and at about a thousand grapes on the car ride home.

Let the new hat season begin!

Odessa, 27 months

Odessa, you are magically, wonderfully, lovably delicious. I have a hard time not wanting to kiss those cheeks all the time. I am constantly amazed by you. This may be the one of the most important parental roles: we all, at some point, have had someone just blown-away by exactly who we are.

I feel like your cognitive development and language have just taken off like a rocket in the last few months or so. You understand and say so much! You get humor (arm in sleeve trick), you know how to use a fake cry to get what you want, or put things behind your back that you don't want us to see. You are very good at communicating what you want and what you don't want ("no, night-night, no!") When you read books, you often see things that I hadn't noticed and often tell me what they are.

I do have to say that I curse Dr. Suess with all the whosits and whatsits and things that you can think. One of your favourite phrases is "what's that?" and you won't stop repeating it until you get a response that meets your satisfaction. Normally that is an easy enough task. But when you read Dr. Suess (over and over and over and over) I don't know what those non-sensical things are and you are not impressed with the repeated response of "I have no idea." Nor does my "thats a whosit, thats a whatsit, thats a thingamajigee" seem to impress you either. Eventually I just attempted to have a serious conversation with you about Dr. Seuss and his imaginative perversion, I mean genious, but it didn't go very well. So, a few books may be disappearing for awhile. You will appreciate this when you have a two-year-old of your own.

This afternoon we layed down for a nap. It was quickly obvious that you were disinterested in sleep. But you had been acting SO tired that I decided to stick with the plan of getting you to go to sleep. I am keeping my eyes closed but sensing that you are moving around. Ever-so-slowly you are getting off the bed. Your feet are barely touching the carpeting when I open my eyes and say "Dessa..." in, you know, that tone. You had a very guilty look on your sweet little face. Ever so sly, so say in your sweet sing-song voice "I love you" and then creep back onto the bed. A few minutes later the whole scenario repeats and this time instead of spouting off your love, you said "shake your body." Maybe that was just to throw me totally off track.

A post is not complete without an update on sleep: I am happy to report that 9 out of 10 times you wake up ZERO times a night. Again, a day that I thought would never arrive. I get better sleep now than I have in YEARS. What is funny too is that this lack of night-awakening happened very much spontaneously no coaching necessary. A couple months back you still woke up regularly through the night and now I put you down for the night and you are officially out till morning. Crazy.

And on that note, good night.

Auntie Kiki and Odessa at the Park

One Lonely Tomato

I think our tomatos were planted too late, so far we only have one small, red fruit to call our own. I think the fact that Odessa is obsessed with picking the green ones doesn't help.

Day Three: Up at 3 a.m. AGAIN

Augh.

Overwhelmed

Life can feel so overwhelming at times. I really am not sure how the rest of the world manages -- or do they?

Between being a very-full time (and neurotic) mama, a full-time (and slightly less-neurotic employee) with hopes of advancing in my career some day, and all the apartment upkeep (admittance: highly neurotic), plus the juggle of retaining: marriage stability, economic stability, future (hopefully) economic advancement, AND attempting to keep a semi-stable workout schedule and all the other bodily upkeep. It is just too much and I don't know how to balance it in at all. Additionally, we have this weekend apartment cleaning job which runs contrary to a few goals: mama-stability, marriage stability, and having any free time whatsoever, and yet, non-contrary to others: economic viability.

One: I am fairly neurotic about so many things and that adds an additional level of complexity to what would already be a highly complex system:

• I am consistently and almost-constantly worrying about Odessa's development and happiness and if I am parenting in the best way possible for her.

• Secondly, I am too neurotic about my apartment. On one hand, I think I should just "let it go", but wouldn't that just create more work later AND drive me absolutely more nutty than I am already am? An example is that I was all ready for bed and tucked in for sleep when I absolutely HAD to get up to clean out my kitchen. I couldn't relax with the visual memory of all the food crammed in there haphazardly not to mention the possibly expired yams and yogurt. So I did that and I felt better. But there is always something else, you know?

• Thirdly -- working is very important to me. I want to do it and do it well. And I would like to continue to research options for advancement.

I guess the bottom line is that so many goals are completely contradictory to others. If I really commit myself to any one of these things that seem like absolute necessities, than others, by default have to slip. And that would drive me batty.

Every few days I wake up feeling very optimistic with the feeling of "I can do it all!" But that soon fades as my energy and mood-level also fade. I know that I need to prioritize and choose the top most-important things. But I have been trying to do that for years and I really just don't think that is something that I am capable of. My mental health demands a fine balance of keeping everything "just so" which is also just-so impossible.

With that note, I am going to go back to bed.

Belmont Street Fair, Sept 6th

Daddy and baby walking down the street.

Odessa bored but enjoying a ride.

Turtle on a leash?!

And up close. And the most interesting part, she is 35 years old!

Zoo August 2008

Odessa looking at the "shish"




Line to see the just-born baby elephant.

Corona

Selected Art, Artist: Odessa

Date: Summer 2008
Medium: Watercolors and construction paper

Date: Spring 2008
Medium: Sponge tip paint

Date: Spring 2008
Medium: Sponge tip paint and construction paper

3:39 a.m.

Hey, guess what? It is 3:39 a.m. and I am up again! See: http://landofodessa.blogspot.com/2008/08/just-update.html

That number (or time) must have some significance for me. Or, more likely, my brain is naturally-trained to wake up around this time after all these years of off and on insomnia.

The Family Bed

Last night I was up reading later than usual. When I did go to bed, I used my reading light to determine how I could crawl into the bed without crushing baby Odessa. This is what I saw in the faint glow of the reading light. I just had to get a photo of our family bed (and Odessa's lack of the concept of "personal space").

What it is like...

http://www.nola.com/news/t-p/frontpage/index2.ssf?/base/living-0/116149796856910.xml&coll=1

A book that I need...

I think that this book would really save me time: it would be so much easier to have all the ailments in one place rather than having to Google each random symptom.

Just an Update

It is 3:39 a.m. and I am up (AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN) with insomnia. This is something that I will address AGAIN at my next mental health appointment. I feel a little lost about the whole thing because, it feels, I have complained so many times, tried so many options, all to no avail. Maybe this is something that I just need to live with and realize that it could be so much worse.

My last post about vacuuming was so utterly lame. Sometimes I do just have these thoughts and questions though and wonder what others think.

Larry has been in Idaho visiting his folks for a long weekend so I have been a single-mom. Not easy at all but I think that I have fared fairly well. And, don't tell Larry this, but sometimes getting into the routine of just Odessa and I is a lot simpler than having the three of us to worry about. I even managed to take Odessa to the zoo yesterday which she loved this time more than any time before. Her favorite exhibits were the Sea Lions ("wow!"), the giant fish ("wow shish!") and, by far, the monkeys ("monkey! look another monkey!"). When we went and saw the elephants, she just kept asking for the monkeys again. That being said, I will be happy to have my hubby home. It does complete our family unit.

I want another baby. Maybe. Or some days. It is just the decision whether it is a good/right idea or not. I am just not sure that I am really the best person for the job. My depression/anxiety is not always/often in control and I worry that isn't fair to current and/or future offspring. I am working on that aspect as I have been re-adjusting all my meds rather drastically lately trying to find something that really, truly works for me. My provider doesn't think that I have ever felt un-depressed and that is why it is such a struggle. I am now going back to the one med that I felt actually, truly helped and we will see where that leads. I am hopeful. After that I may try electro-schock :)

Last night we were watching the divers on the Olympics. O was so cute! As the divers would position themselves at the end of the spring-board she would shout out "Go! Jump!" and then she would jump herself (and then do a little dance) as the athletes would leap into the air and plunge into the water. You should see her stuff when we are watching the gymnasts!

Swim lessons are over. We had a good, albeit tiring, two weeks. Odessa is super comfortable in the water and can do many 'tricks' including kicking, arm reaching, monkey-crawl, jumping in (her personal favorite) and entering and exiting the pool semi-correctly. I am considering some more classes for the fall but I would also like to look into tumbling as she is really into that right now too.

Question: How early is too early to start vacuuming the apartment?

I have a kid that wakes up at 6 a.m. (or earlier) every day -- even Sundays! So, what time is too early to begin vacuuming the apartment? Once I am awake, I want to get things done.

Starfish Odessa

Last Monday Odessa started swim lessons through Portland Parks and Recreation. Here are a few pictures of our first lesson.


The lessons are Monday through Friday evening for two weeks. I can already tell that I am going to be ready for them to end when they do. It is fun to be in the water but I am so tired by the end of the day!

After lesson number 5, she is SO much more comfortable in the water than when we began. She used to cling to me intensely. Now she struggles to get away from me and back to the wall so that she can climb up and jump back in.