Odessa, 2 1/2 years old

I thought I knew what people meant by the "terrible twos"... But that was before I had a 2 1/2 year-old of my own. Some days are awesome. She is beautiful, silly, fun, sweet...all those wonderful things. Then some days are not so awesome.

Here is an example:
wake up, cry because I didn't let her play with the oatmeal before cooking, begin eating, cry because she has a blue bowl instead of a green one, throw bowl on floor, ... (continue this pattern for ten hours)...

It is one, big all-day meltdown. It really reminds me of when she was a super-colicky new noodle, I don't know what is wrong or how to fix it. It doesn't appear that their is any rhyme or reason to the madness. I try to change what I am doing so to give her more (stop cleaning and start drawing or doing puzzles) but it really doesn't seem to help anything. It is like she needs a padded room or a tranquilizer. Just kidding!

Oh, the drama. But, despite all of it, I find myself melting with love for her. That has to be the biology behind procreation. You just love them so much that you want more! Even when life is totally insane.

She just keeps growing and learning and it all happens so fast! She knows all her ABS's and most of her 123's. She counts to seventeen (we have seventeen steps which lead from our apartment to our garage). She pulls down her pants and goes "potty" on her own. But, as Larry said, she just can't put the diaper back on! :) I guess this means it is time for pull-ups or panties or whatever the next step is in potty-training. She gets in bed with her books when she is sleepy. She repeats EVERYTHING which is a big lesson for me that I say some phrases way too often (ex "I'm too tired!"; "Lar!"; "Sit down!")

Current obsessions: princesses, Elmo, the movie Mama Mia, ABBA music, pockets, hearts (as in the Valentine kind), glue, temp tattoos...

Odessa, 27 months

Odessa, you are magically, wonderfully, lovably delicious. I have a hard time not wanting to kiss those cheeks all the time. I am constantly amazed by you. This may be the one of the most important parental roles: we all, at some point, have had someone just blown-away by exactly who we are.

I feel like your cognitive development and language have just taken off like a rocket in the last few months or so. You understand and say so much! You get humor (arm in sleeve trick), you know how to use a fake cry to get what you want, or put things behind your back that you don't want us to see. You are very good at communicating what you want and what you don't want ("no, night-night, no!") When you read books, you often see things that I hadn't noticed and often tell me what they are.

I do have to say that I curse Dr. Suess with all the whosits and whatsits and things that you can think. One of your favourite phrases is "what's that?" and you won't stop repeating it until you get a response that meets your satisfaction. Normally that is an easy enough task. But when you read Dr. Suess (over and over and over and over) I don't know what those non-sensical things are and you are not impressed with the repeated response of "I have no idea." Nor does my "thats a whosit, thats a whatsit, thats a thingamajigee" seem to impress you either. Eventually I just attempted to have a serious conversation with you about Dr. Seuss and his imaginative perversion, I mean genious, but it didn't go very well. So, a few books may be disappearing for awhile. You will appreciate this when you have a two-year-old of your own.

This afternoon we layed down for a nap. It was quickly obvious that you were disinterested in sleep. But you had been acting SO tired that I decided to stick with the plan of getting you to go to sleep. I am keeping my eyes closed but sensing that you are moving around. Ever-so-slowly you are getting off the bed. Your feet are barely touching the carpeting when I open my eyes and say "Dessa..." in, you know, that tone. You had a very guilty look on your sweet little face. Ever so sly, so say in your sweet sing-song voice "I love you" and then creep back onto the bed. A few minutes later the whole scenario repeats and this time instead of spouting off your love, you said "shake your body." Maybe that was just to throw me totally off track.

A post is not complete without an update on sleep: I am happy to report that 9 out of 10 times you wake up ZERO times a night. Again, a day that I thought would never arrive. I get better sleep now than I have in YEARS. What is funny too is that this lack of night-awakening happened very much spontaneously no coaching necessary. A couple months back you still woke up regularly through the night and now I put you down for the night and you are officially out till morning. Crazy.

And on that note, good night.

Almost Two

It is seriously crazy that in just four weeks*, I will have a two year-old! How did that happen? When did my "baby" get so big? The books don't even call you a baby after the age of eighteen-months. Then you are a toddler.

*I started this post a couple weeks ago so now we only have ten days till O is two.

Lot's of changes. I can't even think of all the words and phrases that you are using now. From "I don't know"? (complete with hands out and head tilt gestures) to "Wha's that"? It is fun to see you asking so many questions. It is like having a little Alien and introducing her to our world. What's that? -- a gardening hose...What's that? -- a lunchbox... I also enjoy when you correct me. "Apple". "No, that's an apricot. Both are fruit." "No, apple." you say.

And speaking of new phrases: everything is "mine". MY book, MY cup, MY keys. And a loud, dramatic "Miiiiinnnneeee" when we have a friend over and you don't want to share. On the flip side, Odessa is also really big on pointing out what belongs to other people. "Your shoe. Your shirt." She will often go find shoes in my closet and bring them to me saying "yourrrr shoe..." until I put the shoes on/let her put the shoes on me.

I didn't know what the "terrible twos" were about until recently. The DRAMA! Some days, it seems, there is a dramatic outburst about everything and nothing all at once. Many times it is about your wanting to do things independently, such as go down the stairs, get into the car, put on your shoes etc. When I try to help, you get upset. And when I let you do it yourself, you will often get frustrated at not being able to or not being able to quickly enough. I try to remember everything that I know about child development and not get frustrated myself but it proves challenging.

We have also decided stop taking you into restaurants as often. You just don't have the patience right now. It usually ends up either Larry or I is eating and the other is chasing you around trying to keep you in the restaurant but out of the kitchen. You just don't want to be still or stay near and so restaurants and stores etc are torturous. The other day we went to the library and you got to use one of the computers that is set up for kids. I spent the rest of our time there trying to convince you that we don't have access to EVERY computer in the library. You were just steps away from pushing a librarian out of the way so that you could claim that computer as "miiinnneee". That is probably why parents of toddlers spend so much time outdoors. It is harder to be too loud or too wild.

Nursing: We are almost exclusively nursing now only at nap and night-night time. If you are sick or have been away from me for a long time, I may concede to an extra time or two in between. Lately you have also been bringing me dolls to give "na-nas" and just today you wanted me to nurse your horse sticker. I am sure that would appeal to some fetishists as well.

Bedtime seems like it has gotten considerably easier lately. For awhile there it seemed to just take a REALLY long time. But now we started closing the bedroom door (duh, so you can't just leave the room -- I don't know why we didn't think of this earlier) and when you fuss, I pretty much just ignore you. I was spending a lot of time consoling but it just seemed to start the whole process over again.

It is pretty awesome seeing you grow from a tiny little newborn into this wild little child. I can't believe that it has already been two years since you were born and, at the same time, I can't believe that it has ONLY been two years that I have known you. Somebody said (and I think this is so true) "the days are long and the years are short".

Odessa, 21 Months

Oh baby. I love you so much. It isn't until you are a parent that you can understand the depths of love that one can have for their children.

Life with you is getting to be really fun! The newborn phase, with your endless crying, was tormenting. As an infant, I realized how my personality doesn't match well with the needs of a young baby. I need alone time. I write and read. This is how I maintain any semblance of a emotional equilibrium. But now you enjoy a little more independence, which gives me some of the time that I "need". You also love to be on the go! I can tell that you get bored at home by mid-morning. So every day that we are home we go out and play and have fun together. Sometimes we get out just to run errands -- grocery store, bank etc. Other days we enjoy peaceful time at the library and the park. And some days I have a lot of energy and we will go to the Children's Museum or the community center indoor gym -- Odessa-centric places like that.

You are VERY sociable. You love to go around restaurants and say "Hi" to everyone at their tables. Much to the chagrin of the staff. At school, they call you their "greeter" because you will stand at the gated doorway and greet everyone who goes by. When you see other kids playing, you don't hesitate to go right over and join in. I have to watch you carefully, because you will follow kids anywhere. At a Le Leche League meeting the other day, you went around to each of the moms to sit on their laps -- and they were complete strangers. I am so happy that you are so confident and comfortable around people. I hope that trait continues.

You have been teething for what seems like forever. But these past two months all that effort paid off and you have gotten approximately 6 molars. I say "approximately" because it is really hard to get a good look in your mouth without getting bitten. BUT, a couple of weeks ago we had a couple really rough nights where we only got a few hours of shut-eye. That was tough but it all seems to be going better now (knock on wood).

Schedule. Schmedule. It used to be so random and now your patterns are quite consistent. Which is good for me because I need routines. You are an early riser. I am really not sure how to change that. So we get up at 5:30 most mornings. Your nap time is around 12 p.m. depending on how busy we are. If I nap with you (and I usually do, one of my all-time favorite parts of the day) you will often sleep for 2-3 hours. It is such a nice reprieve in the middle of the day. You go to bed around 9:30 p.m. I am trying to make that earlier in the evening but I am not very good at it. 1) I wonder if you go to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 if you will still wake up at 5:30 a.m. Maybe you would and that would be good for you and you need more sleep. Or maybe not. 2) It is hard for me to want to stop all the evening activities to start our bedtime routine. We are generally hanging out with Daddy or Grandma or Auntie Kiki. 3) By the time our bedtime routine is over and I nurse you before sleep, I am ready to go to bed but 7:30 just is too early for me. So I tend to keep you up until I am more ready for sleep.

*After a couple nights of sleep experimentation, I came to the conclusion that you will not be ready for sleep at any point before 8:00 p.m. I think that you need about 10 hours a night (8 ish till 6 ish in the morning). So if we are reading bedtime stories at 7:45 p.m., then we are doing really well. And if you fall asleep rather quickly, I can still have 1-2 hours of "me" time. Sadly, "me" time = laundry and catching up on emails. But I am the neurotic one so that is my problem, not yours.

You say SO many words now! I don't even think I can list them all if I wanted to. You are quite confident about shouting "no!" and "help please". Recently we discovered that you can say "butterfly". You just talk all the time and it is so nice to be able to communicate with my little dictator. And you understand even more! When we get home, you will often run through the front door and then spin around quickly trying to escape again ("wait...I just remembered -- I don't want to be home"). Sometimes I am not quick enough and then I have to either chase after you or bribe you to come back in. The other day the I said "come in for cookie!" and you spun right back around again! Already I am black-mailing my child for dessert.

Another funny thing that involves dessert is that whenever we say "Kiki" (as in Auntie Kiki) you look towards the kitchen and ask "cookie?". V. cute.

I didn't really have a plan, but I always imagined that you would likely self-wean. But something changed in the past couple of months. I don't even want to us to wean, just to nurse less. Some days I am totally fine with your being my Velcro-baby who nurses frequently, but there are some days that I just am irritated by so much nursing. So we are working on nursing less. You don't like it very much and sometimes I feel bad because you do love your "na-nas" so much.

Your hair. I think we are at the point where we should address your hair. For awhile there I was concerned that a "good hair day" for you meant that it didn't look like you had been recently electrocuted. But now your "wisps" have developed into very cute ringlets! Grandma bought you a special shampoo for babies with curly hair and it seems to be helping quite a bit. I also now know that I need to wet your hair and comb it out each morning to get your ringlets back into shape.

I have been thinking a lot about your birth recently. I think it is because I am starting to think about giving you a sibling. Or not. Its a tough decision and one that we will cover at a later juncture. For you, we had planned an all-natural, water birth. Apparently, this plan was in contradiction to your own plan for exiting the womb or you are terrible at reading maps. Being the dramatic girl that you are (or just a terrible map-reader), you decided to attempt to get out sunny-side up and "brow presentation" which means that you had your neck tilted backwards. Well, guess what, that didn't work for my pelvis. We ended up in the hospital with a c-section. I was just so happy to have a beautiful, healthy baby that I didn't really figure out what had "gone wrong". But now considering being pregnant again, I wanted to know what happened and if I wimped out or really needed the c-section. After reading my medical records and research on the Internet, it is pretty clear that a baby can almost certainly not be born in the position in which you chose.

Of course, there is always room for doubt and so I am still thinking about "why" you ended up in that position -- what could I have done to change prevent/change that? You know what, I guess that I will never know. But I do know this: however in life your plans may contradict mine, I love you very, very much.

Odessa, 19 months old

Wow. Life with a toddler is complicated. So many things to do and people to be and never enough time to be or do it all.

Reading through last months post is so nice because I can clearly see all the things that have changed in the past 30 or so days. And when you realize how much has changed in such a short period of time, it is no wonder that I feel tired, and anxious, and irritable.

I think that you are entering the "pre potty-training" phase but it all really depends on what books you read. The latest research seems to recommend potty training later vs. earlier. It is that pendulum swinging back the other direction. With so many families requiring two incomes, and daycare centers and preschools requiring potty-trained babies, the push to train early was intense.

So my point is that you notify us every time that you have to go "poo-poo". It is so funny because I didn't know that you even knew that word until you begin saying it to me in context. Yesterday we bought you a potty chair. Then you opened the lid and proceeded to put both feet in the bowl to stand up on it. I don't think you get the idea just yet.

You watch cartoons almost every morning. I admit it.

You will also turn off the TV when you are done and walk away. It is as if you are saying, "mom, haven't you read the latest research which documents the negative aspects of too much TV watching?" My reply is: "Yes, darling, but have you read the latest research that documents if mamas don't get their morning cup of coffee they slip slowly into insanity?"

I have realized that the characters on Disney cartoons often ask their audience a lot of questions, like "Do you see the blue ball?" It is hilarious because you have begun to answer back by saying "No." Yesterday, Mickey Mouse asked "Are we smart enough to solve this problem?" in his high-pitched annoying voice and you quickly respond back with an adamant "No".

Pre-baby I was sure that I would never let my kids watch all the annoying tv that is on. Now that I have a baby, The Wiggles and Jo Jo's Circus have become my allies in Operation Keep Odessa Entertained.

Now I am worried that people will ready this and judge me as a bad mama. So, let me just say that I do spend a lot of time interacting and playing with the poodle and I only turn on the tv when I need to get something done (shower, vaccume, go the mall, whatever).

You are back into wanting mama and daddy (and whatever other adult is nearby) to read books to you. At night-time, your all time favorite lately is "Mama Mama" and "Who are you, Baby Kangaroo?" You also love all the Dr. Seaus books too.

When you just want to sleep, you will flip through all the books really fast while I attempt to speed read them to you and then throw them on the floor. Then you will say "na-na" or point to the light and say "hep (help)" so that we can lay down to nurse and fall asleep. What is really funny is that the bedtime book routine is for your enjoyment, not some task which must be accomplished before we can go to bed for the night. Those are tacked up to the refrigerator door.

5:30 a.m. seems to be your preferred wake up time. Could be a lot worse so I am not going to complain. Okay, just a little bit... We have nowhere that we need to be getting to at that hour. This is the time period in your life where you should sleep in -- you have many years to come of having to wake up before the sun to get to work or school or whatever.

Additionally, you sleep 8-10 hours in a row. I know a lot of babes that sleep 12 hours straight at night (or so their parents claim). Parents are able to put their babies to sleep and then have a couple of hours to themselves before needing to go to sleep -- I think that is how people with kids get anything done or resume their sex lives (so you can only blame yourself for not getting a sibling :) But because you aren't going to sleep for 12 hours, I feel like I need to go to sleep when you do in order to get 8 ish hours in a row. Hmm. I am sure that this will change with time or we will find another way to adapt.

While eating at at restaurants, we usually will put you in a booster chair in between daddy and I. A few weeks ago, we were at a restaraunt eating breakfast with some friends and their baby. After you got bored with eating and attempting to climb the wall, you proceeded to stuff packets of sugar down my sweater and into my bra. After you would get five or six in there, you would proceed to dig them all out. And then you would start this process over. It was really funny but also a little awkward.

Another huge change is that you recently started at playschool two days a week. I have mixed feelings about it. I really think that you have a fun time there and I am really happy to know that you are somewhere safe and fun while I go to work. When I start to feel down however, all these guilt feeling creep over me and I worry that it isn't your benefit. And the kicker is this, I will not ever know whether what I am doing is beneficial for you or not. I just have to make a decision and trust my instincts.

Time for me to go. I need to remove your breakfast from your high-chair tray before you let me know that are done eating. Very clearly. By throwing the food onto the floor.

I adore you. I hope that I am making all the right decisions for you, or at least most of them. Or at least the big ones.

Odessa, 17 months old

17 months old:

I swear that I fall more in love with you every day. The experience of having a child and watching her grow is like no other and one that I am so grateful to be able to have. The love that I have for you is so different from any other love: it is immeasurable.

You are almost 1 1/2 years-old. Today I went through the tub of your teeny, tiny baby clothes making decisions on what to keep and what to give away. I cannot believe that you ever fit into some of those little outfits. I miss your tiny babyhood but love the toddler you so much! I look forward to every day that we have together.

So, I think that being 17 months old is very much about making messes. I try to be patient and let you explore but my "type A" personality tends to get in the way. My rule of thumb is any mess is okay as long as it isn't a food mess. Those are just too hard to clean-up.

Gathering also seems to be big right now. You will spend lots of time gathering items that are similar and putting them into a little pile (paper bits, silverware, soda cans etc). When you realize that I am watching you, you roll your eyes or make a cheesy grin and turn around the other direction. I think the toys that you play with the most are Q-tips, cotton balls, decks of cards, and band aids.

Your ability and interest in entertaining yourself has increased exponentially recently. You will spend twenty minutes or more looking through books, magazines, or a deck of cards. Right now your favorite books are "Grumpy Bird" and the Corduroy lift-a-flap books. We read to you every night but it seems that you prefer to "read" to us. Which is adorable.

Now I am also really noticing how you imitate everything! It is so cute to see how you carry around the cell phone to your ear with a purse on your shoulder or watching you "feed" your stuffed animals. This morning you were pretending to drink out of an empty cup, complete wit the "mmm...augh" sound effects. Other imitations: folding laundry, opening garbage bags, wrapping presents, putting away dishes, making silly faces, eye rolling, nose-blowing... The list could go on and on.

So many words! The latest one is "up". Early this morning we were sleeping in bed and you tugged on my shirt and said "up" because you wanted it out of your way so that you could nurse. You also say "Golla!" a lot and I am really not sure what it means. "Ma golla!" means "nurse me". Another favorite is "hot". You say it all the time. Many times in context and some others not. You will also put two words together which is unusual for your young age. You will also repeat almost any word that we ask you to. I got you to say "I love you" this month but it sounded more like "I la". Good enough for me.

Sleep. What new parent doesn't obsess over it or the lack of it? I did. I read all the books but never followed the advice and then worried that you would never be able to fall asleep on your own, that I was harming you for life. Now, at seventeen months old, many nights go by that you fall asleep on your own and don't wake to nurse until early morning. Wow. I really never thought I would ever see the day when that would happen. This gives me courage to follow my parenting instincts.

I don't know quite how to end this post. I feel that I need to say something profound and yet I don't know what. I guess that a simple "I La" with have to suffice.

Week 26

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