Fun in the fountain II

Another beautiful Portland day that we spent playing in the fountains and at the playground.

The Big 02

Well, my baby turned two years old on the 18th. We didn't have any big celebration but we did have a picnic in the park and cupcakes and fun so I think that qualifies so that I am not a too neglectful mom.

She finally got her first haircut. I took a couple of inches off the bottom and "The Mullet" is now gone. Then this morning I took a couple inches off the comb-over that was on top. Now the whole thing looks much more even and very cute. And the tangles are seriously diminished. I have been trying to get a picture but she hasn't been real cooperative.

Summer. I can't believe how fast it is flying by. I had so many plans for fun things to do and so few of them have come into fruition. This depresses me. But I will try to relax and not make things worse by over-scheduling. Plus these last couple weekends have just gone by in the blink of an eye. I have quite a few errands that I keep meaning to get around to but...

Just a few days ago we finally caught on to how much signing Odessa was doing. Actually, Larry did when he recognized the sign for "more". Many many months ago I gave up even trying to remember to incorporate the signs into our daily lives. But she is learning it at school. Now I see that she is signing "all done" and "thank you". I should have realized the "all done" sign, now it is so obvious what she is doing when she says "Eye Dye!" (or "I die!" -- She is my baby and I am a bit of a pessimist but I am going with the former). I bet there are more but I need to take a refresher course in signing myself. She is also learning the signed alphabet at school and she will try to make the hand 'poses' but she does so really, really poorly. She is good at recognizing the ones that I make though, and will say the letter "A" etc. And I actually remember how to sign the alphabet from when I was a kid.

Last night Odessa was reading "The Giving Tree" to herself. I was reading my own book but had to stop and watch her. I am not totally clear on what her version of the book is about but I know that it contains a lot of hats. On almost every page, she would speak her little martian language and then say "hat" or "hair" and then touch the top of her head. There was also very clearly some content about apples (which are actually in the book).

Odessa now find nose-picking incredibly funny. I think it was because I reacted and said "ucky". For the next ten minutes, she would continuously stick her index finger inside of her nostril and stare at me, waiting for a reaction. I then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh. It didn't really work.

Just a few days ago Odessa had her two-year well-baby check-up with the pediatrician. All is good. And she is in the third percentile for weight! Yoo hoo at least she is on the curve. As with every visit, the doctor then asks me how she is eating. It is tough because I have never had another baby with which to compare. I told him that I feed her three meals and two snacks. She will eat a good portion of two of the meals and it is hiss and miss with the others. Lately she is also into choosing her own food and she will mostly choose yogurt, cheese, ovaltine, and berries. So now, not three days later, she is eating like a...what?...what eats a lot? Anyway, she will eat a whole carton of yogurt and then ask for "more". She used to just eat a third or so of it and then be done. So, go figure, maybe at our next visit she will have climbed all the way up to the fourth percentile :)

"Daddy's Bike Hat"

Almost Two

It is seriously crazy that in just four weeks*, I will have a two year-old! How did that happen? When did my "baby" get so big? The books don't even call you a baby after the age of eighteen-months. Then you are a toddler.

*I started this post a couple weeks ago so now we only have ten days till O is two.

Lot's of changes. I can't even think of all the words and phrases that you are using now. From "I don't know"? (complete with hands out and head tilt gestures) to "Wha's that"? It is fun to see you asking so many questions. It is like having a little Alien and introducing her to our world. What's that? -- a gardening hose...What's that? -- a lunchbox... I also enjoy when you correct me. "Apple". "No, that's an apricot. Both are fruit." "No, apple." you say.

And speaking of new phrases: everything is "mine". MY book, MY cup, MY keys. And a loud, dramatic "Miiiiinnnneeee" when we have a friend over and you don't want to share. On the flip side, Odessa is also really big on pointing out what belongs to other people. "Your shoe. Your shirt." She will often go find shoes in my closet and bring them to me saying "yourrrr shoe..." until I put the shoes on/let her put the shoes on me.

I didn't know what the "terrible twos" were about until recently. The DRAMA! Some days, it seems, there is a dramatic outburst about everything and nothing all at once. Many times it is about your wanting to do things independently, such as go down the stairs, get into the car, put on your shoes etc. When I try to help, you get upset. And when I let you do it yourself, you will often get frustrated at not being able to or not being able to quickly enough. I try to remember everything that I know about child development and not get frustrated myself but it proves challenging.

We have also decided stop taking you into restaurants as often. You just don't have the patience right now. It usually ends up either Larry or I is eating and the other is chasing you around trying to keep you in the restaurant but out of the kitchen. You just don't want to be still or stay near and so restaurants and stores etc are torturous. The other day we went to the library and you got to use one of the computers that is set up for kids. I spent the rest of our time there trying to convince you that we don't have access to EVERY computer in the library. You were just steps away from pushing a librarian out of the way so that you could claim that computer as "miiinnneee". That is probably why parents of toddlers spend so much time outdoors. It is harder to be too loud or too wild.

Nursing: We are almost exclusively nursing now only at nap and night-night time. If you are sick or have been away from me for a long time, I may concede to an extra time or two in between. Lately you have also been bringing me dolls to give "na-nas" and just today you wanted me to nurse your horse sticker. I am sure that would appeal to some fetishists as well.

Bedtime seems like it has gotten considerably easier lately. For awhile there it seemed to just take a REALLY long time. But now we started closing the bedroom door (duh, so you can't just leave the room -- I don't know why we didn't think of this earlier) and when you fuss, I pretty much just ignore you. I was spending a lot of time consoling but it just seemed to start the whole process over again.

It is pretty awesome seeing you grow from a tiny little newborn into this wild little child. I can't believe that it has already been two years since you were born and, at the same time, I can't believe that it has ONLY been two years that I have known you. Somebody said (and I think this is so true) "the days are long and the years are short".

Because we have too much time on our hands...

So, I am constantly getting Larry and I into extra jobs in order to make/save money. One year we spent two weeks selling fireworks at one of those little stands. In retrospect I think that we had fun. The latest is that I agreed that we would clean the apartment grounds for three hundred dollars off of rent. Last weekend was our first and it took SIXTEEN hours! We are hoping it goes faster in subsequent weeks.

Here is a pic of Odessa helping out: she needs to earn her keep too :) I brought her little broom, duster, and a rag -- she loved it! I just need a little bandanna to tie around her head.

Fun in the fountain

My husband the mormon missionary

What next?

We started the week off with a nice case of Pink Eye for Odessa and I. Then I had an allergic reaction to the eye drops that I was prescribed. I looked like I had been stung in the eyes by a swarm of angry bees. And then yesterday, my virus developed into the worst sore throat that I have ever had (can't swallow, can't move neck, can't open mouth). Today I am on Vicodin for the pain so that I can at least drink my meals with a straw.

Snuggly After Bath

Why husband shouldn't read blog

You receive mean comment from "Anonymous" that has to be deleted. Husband looks around shiftily, hoping that you can't figure out who Anonymous is. Then leaves for work abruptly.

Physical Manifestations of Too Much Stress

It is funny that my tag line is "It's a nice place to visit!" and then the most recent blog is titled "darkness". That is exactly the place that I always wanted to go!


My allergies are acting up. My skin is breaking out. My stomach doesn't feel right. I slept like crap last night.

Darkness

I am in a dark place. I don't want to write the specifics on a public forum but just saying that gives me some relief. I am having to make decisions that I only prayed that I would never be faced with.

Today's Gain From Meditation: "You are exactly the person that you are supposed to be"

Inner Peace in Two Hours

I believe that for most of my life I have been experiencing an existential crisis. I do have blips of contentment and trust in the world, but for the most part, by brain is a spinning top of never-ending worries and thoughts. I know a lot of people who feel this way and some deal with it better than I. I know others who don't seem to feel this way at all. Recently speaking with a friend I said "I need to come up with a way to quiet my mind" and he responded, "If my mind were any MORE quiet, I would be asleep."

This is becoming more and more of a problem in recent years: as a younger person, I was always able to run away from my demons, if only partially successfully, by staying busy and never allowing myself be in the presence. I could also trick myself that all this would resolve itself if and when: "when I graduate", "when I get a real job", "when we have more money", "when I have more time.

Now I feel more THIS IS IT and less on a path to something more. I have a career (although debatable), I have a family, we make more money now than we have ever in the past...AND STILL...all the same feelings and worries and thoughts swirl around me. I can temporally alieve these feelings with a beer or a xanax but I need to come up with a more inner-directed method. I am masking the issues, and not dealing with them. Which tends to be my specialty.

Lately, I feel like I am being pointed in a direction where I need to take charge of this destiny. That it isn't going to happen on its own. I must come up with a way. I have been struggling and running for all these years and nothing has changed. I want to be more present and mindful and relaxed -- with myself, my husband, my daughter, and with life.

In the past, I have found meditation and yoga helpful. The problem is that I feel I need more direction and more motivation to not let the practice lapse.

So today Larry and I went to a workshop at a Buddhist Temple about an introdution to their teaching and to meditation. I am really glad that we went. We learned about posture and what to do (or not to do) with our minds during meditation. We then practiced meditation for twenty minutes. I think that I was probably able to stop thinking for, maybe, two seconds at a time. But I recently have been asking/begging to the higher power, whomever that may be, "please help. I am yours, just show me the way". The first response I received was "Stop trying to control everything over which you need to learn that you have no control". Today's response was more profound (for me): "You don't trust this world". If I were one to cry, tears would have been brought to my eyes. I then asked, "But how do I learn to trust the world?". No response. Maybe next time. Or maybe I need to trust a little so that I can learn to trust a lot.

I have read about various types of meditation and what I especially liked about this teaching, is that you can't do it wrong. Sure, there are better ways but those come with practice. Just sitting silently is a start. 30 seconds if you can, 30 minutes if you can do that. I need a casual pace to start or I will just get overwhelmed.

So, no, I did not achieve inner peace in two hours. But maybe it is a start.

A few things to remember about me:

1) I so totally am not the new-agey type that really believes in this stuff. But, hey, that hasn't been working.
2) I am currently reading Eat, Love, Pray and this may be a big motivating factor for many things: my current craving for Italian food, my seeking spiritual enlightenment, and my craving for Thai food -- specifically sweet rice with coconut ice cream (Note -- the author actually is in India, but I don't like Indian food, so I imagine Thai food. Mmmm.)

Another Day in the Land of Odessa

Well, now I am worried that our never-ending cold has turned into something else. Odessa has been running a fever since yesterday at 4 p.m. ish. From when I have checked, it has gotten up to 101.6. Tylenol has been helping. I am going to call the pediatrician in the morning.

We have plans to fly out to California this weekend so I am hoping that it nothing serious and that she will be all better by then. I had thought that the never ending runny nose was to do with teething as she is getting some serious teeth in there but who knows.

In other news, I have spend most of my weekend going through a study protocol and reading all about "Transtheoretical Model of Change". I have a job interview tomorrow -- no today -- it is 530 am! It has been fun because I feel kind of like a student again and have been using my brain in another way.

And, yesterday morning I carelessly tinted my eyebrows and now they are too dark (think Groucho Marx) and I have a smear of brown dye on my forehead. Geez. Luckily I have been scrubbing with nail polish remover (which I am sure is GREAT for one's skin) and it has faded considerably.

We are on a budget. I am trying really hard but it is REALLY hard. I just need to start fresh tomorrow and re-evaluate my plan so that I can gain motivation and perspective.

Hey, sometimes this adult life just sucks, huh?

Found on Ebay: Very Sexy Shoes

ALDO Womens Black Fabric Wedges Shoes 38 EUR 7 US SEXY!

Really? They are? Well then, my orthopedic clogs must be on fire!

Currently Reading

The Female Brain by Louann Md Brizendine

Blogger.com Frustration II

Now all the lists and photos and things that use to be on the left hand side of my blog are at the bottom -- after all the posts! When I go into edit the layout, it doesn't appear as though anything has changed.

Happy 35th Anniversary to My Parents

35 years living with same person -- all the struggles, all the ups and downs. 33 years of raising children. No wonder they are nuts. Congrats to them for sticking it out and never letting go of either side of the rope.

Light at the end of the tunnel

I think we may have turned a corner with Odessa's sleep...



First of all, it just is getting better and better the closer that she gets to two. The first year was by far the most difficult.



A couple months ago, anyone putting Odessa down to sleep (other than me) would have to endure crying -- and a lot of it. I would have to be really over my limit before I could let that happen. And the majority of times, my maternal instinct got the better of me and I went in to snuggle her into sleep peacefully.



Up until two nights ago, here was the ritual: snack, diaper and pajamas, read stories and then nana-milk. After ten minutes or so of nursing, I detach myself and she will fuss a little, work on getting comfy and fall asleep. During that 30-60 minutes of waiting for her to fall asleep, I would lie there frustrated that this is my opportunity for me time and it won't happen.*



After an hour passes and she finally is asleep, I can sneak out but at that point it is getting late for me and I am frustrated that I could have been reading or writing an hour ago. Plus most nights I take benedryl to help me fall asleep and it takes at-least one hour to kick in. So if I took it before putting O to bed, then I would be too sleepy to get up and get any me time. And if I wait till she is asleep, I am likely not to fall asleep until really late at night.**



After that very long introduction, here is the point: Now after the bedtime routine which includes nana-milk for ten minutes or so, Odessa is able to snuggle up to Larry and fall fast asleep. A few whimpers but nothing more than I would get by being there too. We have done that the last two nights and it is a miracle for me!!! I can get up and do some of the things that I have been wanting to. Sigh of relief.

AND THEN, this afternoon Odessa was able to fall asleep with Larry for her afternoon nap. That has never happened before this easily. It would usually require tears and rocking. Now she just snuggles up and enters dream-land (and without mama-milk first). ***

I really think this is about her being developmentally ready for that stage. This would not have worked even a couple months ago.



*If you are wondering why can't I get out of bed while she is still awake. The answer is I don't know, I have tried, and it involved a lot of sobbing on her part and mine. She just doesn't want to be alone while falling asleep. We have had a family bed for her whole life, just lying in bed and going to sleep while others are not with her is just foreign. [It is possible at some point in the near future, this is something that I am going to work on. But for now I am going to trust my gut that she is just not ready for that leap yet. Who knows what the next few months will bring.]



**Which would mean that I would miss quite a few solid hours of sleep which is pretty necessary as O will wake me up between 1 and 5 times a night. Secondly, I am not a night-owl, even before baby I would in bed at 9 p.m.



***Now for my pessimism -- napping with baby in the afternoon is my favorite thing and today I am missing it. But on the bright side, it is good to know that I have the option.

Blogger.com Frustration

I am not all that super-savy when it comes to publishing a blog. I mean I have all the basics down, and when I want to try something 'fancy' (and actually have the energy to do so) I can usually figure it out.

But here is the problem, I write my posts and they look great. Then I publish them and the blank lines in between the paragraphs dissapear...but not all of them. I have even edited in html and sometimes that works but it is inconsistent. What am I doing wrong? Or is blogger playing Jedi mind tricks on me?

If anyone knows of what I am doing wrong, please let me know...